T Rock Returns!

I’m back and I would like to apologize to all the fans out there for the long delay between my posts. I know that even when left in Craig’s capable hands you were itching for the next T Rock installment and here it is!

Last week’s game was awesome. It was my first game back from a scouting trip down to Florida and I am happy with what I saw. Craig and I have been working hard keeping everything in order for this season, but the future is always in the back of our minds. I was able to identify some talent and the future for It’s Not Me, It’s You is only going to get brighter. While I was in Florida I did miss a game, and for that I am sorry, but with Craig returning to the lineup his ample leadership and apparent male-bunting led to a victory. I hear it was a solid team effort and I’m proud of everyone.

Back to last week’s game. We were once again facing the purple beast and in a must-win situation; facing some players who were turned away from It’s Not Me, It’s You and league comish Y. Jack Fan we could not stand to lose to them again. It was yet another stellar defensive performance with enough run support to pick up our 2nd win in a row – awesome. This puts us at 3-3 in a tie with Booze on First (aka the purple beast) and setting us up for another meeting with [team name redacted] tonight. We are going to have to be on top of our game on both sides of the ball in order to pull out a much needed win, but I know we’ve got a chance. This week is the FINAL WEEK of the regular season and a win tonight will keep us on pace for the #2 seed going into next week’s Conference Playoffs (Playoffs with just the Wednesday teams, the league playoffs will be Nov. 8th and we will be playing in them).

Let’s turn in a solid effort tonight and show [team name redacted] that even though your captain runs over girls, films other team’s practices, eats babies, and has ties to Al Qaeda, when the season comes to a close, you will be 18-1 6-1.

Go Balls Deep,
T Rock

Better late than never...

So this week’s game marked yet another win for the men and women in navy blue. Another great all around defensive effort, especially after the opposing team pulled a Major League III and turned off the lights in the stadium.

Stories of interest:

My Return!
I made my triumphant return to the field after recovering from my knee injury. While I was considering pulling a Mateen Cleaves, and trying to make it onto the field for the previous week’s game, it was just too risky. This week however, I was back in the lineup and player coached out team to victory.

Skyler’s Intensity
Skyler, who over the last few games has spent more time on the floor than Dwyane Wade, was savagely run over by an opposing player, who coincidentally just happened to not be named Bill Belichick! I do however suspect that Bill had something to do with it.
From my vantage point as pitcher, it looked as though Nick Saban (that’s his real name, I swear) laid a bunt down the third base line then took off towards Skyler faster than a predator to a playground. As I fielded to ball and fired it towards first, I saw Nick lower his should and brace for impact. As Sky caught the ball I threw to her, she was LEVELED! We’re talking Reggie Bush leveled. Being the badass It’s not me, It’s you-er that she is, she managed to not only hold onto the ball for the out, but also to dramatically slam the ball into Nick’s head as if to say “I hate you for lying to the Dolphins!”

[Team name redacted Update]
After last weeks game, I asked [Team name redacted]’s captain Max to guest post on this blog. I figured it would have given you, the readers, ample opportunity to make fun of him and his minions. After careful consideration though, I will not be posting his entry in its entirety. Instead I will be pulling a Jon Stewart and taking reposting spliced parts of it completely in the context which they were intended to be read.

For those of you who don’t already know, Bill Belichick once again (obviously feeling that I haven’t been hard enough on him in my previous posts) did something devious to a female player.

For a play-by -play by play, I give you Max:

The highlight of last night's contest came from the one and only- Bill Belicheck. Lets revisit the scene of the crime. As Bill rounded third, he gathered steam to charge the catcher at home plate. Even a casual kickball fan could see that he had more hate and passion in his eyes than Pete Rose in an All-star game. As he neared the plate, he lowered his shoulder, and gave a tremendous blow to the opposing teams catcher, who happens to be of the female variety. After the dust stettled and the blood dried, Bill was safe. Not only at home plate, but he has once again found a safe place in our hearts.”

First of all Max, learn to spell your Deity’s name correctly. It’s *Belichick*
Second, you're despicable!

Moving on…
I had the privilege of exchanging emails this week with said 5’3” sub 100lb superstar Booze on First catcher, Dana Bernstein. Find the interview below:

CR: Can you describe exactly what was going through your head before, after and of course during the aforementioned series of events?
DB: Since I've played all the teams, I'm sure by now you all know how competitive I am, especially when I play catcher. I concentrate on every pitch, making sure nothing goes by me and make constant plays at home. On this particular play, we were down by a few runs and I needed to make sure the green team didn't have one of their usual 20 point-lead games. The inning was going fine until suddenly I realized I was going to be needed at home, when I believe it was Alex tried to peg someone at third and the ball got away from us. My teammates were right there to get the ball where the rest of the green congregated, waiting for their turn to kick. Knowing my skills would be needed, I stood at home plate, ready to catch the ball to make the out at home. That was when I saw him. Bill had just rounded third and was charging at me, like a bull let loose. There was nothing I could do besides stand there in fear. I was glued to the spot, watching this beast run at me. It was like being on an African safari, watching a rhinoceros charge at you and there is nothing you can do besides stare and pray it won't gore you to death. Before I knew it, I was getting taken down and sliding across the dirt batter's box with Bill. And then it was over. The wind had been knocked out of me, I was dirty, scraped, and bruised, but I survived.

CR: As he was running over/through you, did his hands touch you anywhere inappropriate?
DB: He was a perfect gentleman, if that gentleman happens to be in a club where women dance for money.

CR: How did your parents react to the Belichick incident?
DB: Funny you should ask this because I saw them this weekend and told them of that harrowing experience. I even showed them my battle wounds, and they were appalled. They begged me not to go back and face that horrible beast, but I told them I couldn't do that. I had to be there for my team. I am the captain, after all.

CR: Describe yourself in exactly 9.5 words
DB: That's not enough words. I'm not on twitter; I don't count words or characters.

CR: Who is better looking Tim or Craig?
DB: It's so hard to choose. They're both really, really ridiculously good looking.

CR: We know by now that you lost the game, probably because your injury damaged your ability to lead your troops. But did you at least beat Bill in pre-game RPS? If yes, describe what was thrown
DB: RPS was intense, but unfortunately, the intensity of the game overshadowed RPS in my memory. I do remember that I won, my first RPS win of the season, so I consider the game a success. Also, I'd like to add that the score was 6-5, after an amazing rally by the females of Booze on First in the last inning. Just saying.

CR: Favorite non-Downtown kickball team and non-kickball team
DB: I have no other favorite kickball team. Booze on First all the way! (Little known fact: Booze on First was the name of my kickball team in the Columbia division of DCK last summer. My friend and I came up with the name and were also co-captains. We were undefeated in the regular season. We kept the name when we switched to CHASE, but my co-captain quit, and I think she's regretted it ever since.) My favorite non-kickball team is the Mets. Now before all you Yankees/Philly fans jump on me, let me explain myself. I was raised a Mets fan and could never root for another New York baseball team, no matter what their stats are. It would be like me rooting for [team name redacted]. I am also aware of the Mets' record this season and in previous seasons, and their record of choking in the playoffs, and it doesn't matter. Mets fan born and raised. Besides, who doesn't like rooting for the underdog?

CR: Any stange pregame rituals or habits we should know about? Tell us what you eat before a big game as well!
DB: After a long day at work, I like to take my time and walk with teammate Allie Funk to the fields where we talk strategy for the upcoming game. A stop at Julia's empanadas as well.; Empanadas, are of course the food of kickball champions.

CR: What's your kickball training regiment like?
DB: Marathons every weekend. Oh, and lots of beer.

CR: What do you to prepare you for the intensity that flip cup in the off-season?
DB: In the off-season, I make sure to keep my tolerance extremely high by drinking as often as possible. I also have a coach, who was on the winning team of WAKA's flip cup tournament last year. He keeps my game in top form.

CR: When is the first time you realized you had a future in kickball?
DB: After my older sister had told me stories of her successful kickball experience, I knew it was meant to be. It was in my blood.

CR: Did you ever doubt that you'd one day be a kickball captain?
DB: I'm a born leader

CR: Can you give our loyal readers some fashion tips to live by this Fall? (from T-Rock)
DB: Scarves. That is all. Best accessory you can ask for. And make men look very straight and manly, I swear.

CR: Haven't seen you do any celebratory dances yet this season. Do you have any in store for us in the upcoming weeks?
DB: Oh just wait. I'm sure you will see my fabulous dancing skills before this season is done. I've been known to bust a few out when you least expect it. And you'll be blown away, I promise.

CR: How many Jelly Beans do you think can fit into a Boeing 747 and why?
DB: Considering I was on a 747 this weekend, I would say 1,783,341,066 jelly beans, roughly. Why? Because it's a huge piece of machinery! (that's what she said...?)

CR: Some people say that they saw you hanging in the club with Kanye West last weekend. Thought you were better than that. Would you care to expDB:
Hold up Craig, this blog post is really awesome and I'mma let you finish, but Booze on First is the best kickball team of all time!!! lain yourself?

CR: What was your strongest subject in school and how do you apply that subject to your kickball game?
DB: I was a history major in college and before the season began, I studied the history of kickball intently and learned all I could to help me out in the game. Such as this important fact: American World War II correspondent Ernie Pyle reported it being played by U.S. soldiers during the Tunisia Campaign, 1942-1943. (citation, wikipedia.org).

Thank you very much Dana for your time!

Don’t jump! Wednesday night will be here sooner than you think.
-Craig (MATT)

PS: Have any questions you’d like Tim or I to answer? Drop us a line @TrocknMatt@gmail.com

Get your facts straight!

So it’s come to my attention that some people **cough[team name redacted]cough** think that The Bureau of the Census and it’s employees are “…wasting the Tax Payers' dollars”.

I’d like to take this opportunity to talk a little bit about our quality economic and demographic data and it’s many many many uses.



Mission Statement
The Census Bureau serves as the leading source of quality data about the nation's people and economy. We honor privacy, protect confidentiality, share our expertise globally, and conduct our work openly. We are guided on this mission by our strong and capable workforce, our readiness to innovate, and our abiding commitment to our customers.

History of Economic Programs
The growth of the economic census reflects the blossoming industrialization and the spread of communications in the United States since the early 19th century. Temporary census offices took these censuses with increasing detail and accuracy until 1900. Demands for more frequent enumerations, resulting in more current economic data, were major factors in the establishment of a permanent Census Bureau in 1902. In the early twentieth century, there were censuses of manufactures every two years. Later, the Census Bureau conducted these censuses at five-year intervals, and put them on the same schedule as those of the construction, mineral, service, financial, insurance, and real estate industries; surveys of minority- and women-owned businesses; and many more. This integration took place during the 1950's, in order to ensure complete, unduplicated, comparable data for all of their components.
The Census Bureau has increasingly enumerated companies by mail and, for many small establishments, by using administrative records in lieu of questionnaires. The introduction of mechanical tabulation, electronic tabulation, and computers and the Internet increased the variety of data products available and how the information could be accessed.

A little bit on my department: Survey: Quarterly Services Survey (QSS)

PURPOSE
The Quarterly Services Survey (QSS) is the only source of service industry indicator performance providing timely estimates of revenue and expenses for selected service industries. The United States Code, Title 13, authorizes this survey and provides for voluntary responses.

COVERAGE
The QSS has covered the following industries since the fourth quarter of 2003: Sector 51 (Information); 54 (Professional, Scientific, and Technical Sector), and 56 (Administrative and Support, Waste Management and Remediation Services). Starting in the fourth quarter of 2004 Hospitals (NAICS 622) and Nursing and Residential Care Facilities (NAICS 623) were added. In the second quarter of 2009 Ambulatory Health Care Services (NAICS 621) and Social Assistance Services (NAICS 624) were added to the survey.

CONTENT
The QSS is a principal economic indicator series that produces, for selected service industries, quarterly estimates of total operating revenue and the percentage of revenue by class of customer (government, business, consumers, and individuals). The survey also produces estimates of total operating expenses from tax-exempt firms in industries that have a large not-for-profit component. In addition, for hospital services, the survey estimates the number of inpatient days and discharges.

FREQUENCY
The Quarterly Services survey is conducted quarterly with the mail out occurring at the end of each calendar quarter. The survey form is due 14 days after the end of the reference period. A new sample will be selected about every five years. The QSS is released online, every 75 days, after each calendar quarter. The QSS is a sub-sample of the Service Annual Survey (SAS).

METHODS
The sample includes approximately 12,000 service businesses with paid employees that operate in the covered sectors. Those in the sample can choose to respond though mail, fax, internet reporting, or by telephone. In order to be eligible for the list sample, service businesses must be in the Business Register (BR), which contains all Employer Identification Numbers (EINs) for listed businesses and locations of multi-establishment companies. EINs may represent one or more establishments, and firms may have one or more EINs.
The sample is updated quarterly to reflect births and deaths, adding new employer businesses identified in the Business and Professional Classification Survey, and deleting firms and EINs that are no longer active. During interim periods, service non-employers and businesses are represented by administrative records data or imputed values.

PRODUCTS
Quarterly Services Survey reports are available approximately 75 days following the end of each quarter. The first publication was released on September 13, 2004 and included data for the fourth quarter of 2003 and the first two quarters of 2004. In addition, each year, benchmark reports are released using the results of the latest Service Annual Survey (SAS). Future plans for the QSS include publishing seasonally adjusted data for additional industries.

USES
The Bureau of Economic Analysis (BEA) is the primary Federal user of data collected in the QSS. The BEA utilizes this timely data to make improvements to the national accounts for service industries. In the National Income and Product Accounts (NIPA), the quarterly data allow more accurate estimates of both Personal Consumption Expenditures (PCE) and private fixed investment. Quarterly revenue data from the QSS are also used to produce estimates of gross output by industry. This allows BEA to produce an earlier version of the gross domestic product (GDP) by industry estimates.
QSS estimates also provide the Federal Reserve Board (FRB) and Council of Economic Advisors (CEA) with timely information on current economic performance.
The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) use the QSS data to develop hospital-spending estimates in the National Accounts. In addition, the QSS data improves their ability to analyze hospital-spending trends. They also use the data in their healthcare indicator analysis publication; ten-year health spending forecast estimates; and studies in hospital regulation and Medicare policy, procedures, and trends.

SPECIAL FEATURES
The QSS provides the most timely data on revenue produced within service industries.

Other highly valued team members work on the team work on the Service Annual Survey (SAS)

PURPOSE
To provide estimates of revenue and other measures for most traditional service industries. The United States Code, Title 13, authorizes this survey and provides for mandatory responses.

COVERAGE
The survey collects data from companies whose primary business or operation is to provide services to individuals, businesses, and governments (NAICS 51, 5231, 52392, 52393, 532, 54, 56,62, 71, 81). This survey also covers the Transportation and Warehousing sector (NAICS 484, 492, and 493). Industry coverage and detail have been expanded since 1982, and include most personal, business, automotive, amusement and recreation, social welfare, health care, and other professional services. The use of expanded 1987 SIC classifications began in 1991, and the industries covered accounted for about 20% of the Nation's 1994 Gross Domestic Product.
The North American Industry Classification System (NAICS) was used for the first time with the 1999 survey to collect data for the Service Annual Survey (SAS). The scope of the Service Annual Survey has been broadened to encompass the old Annual Survey of Communication Services and the old Transportation Annual Survey. With the implementation of NAICS, approximately 150 additional service industries are being covered. The North American Product Classification System (NAPCS) was introduced for the first time with the 2001 survey year to include the Information Sector (NAICS 51), and Computer System Design and Related Services (Industry Group 5415).

CONTENT
Collected data include operating revenue for both taxable and tax-exempt firms and organizations; sources of revenue and expenses by type for selected industries; operating expenses for tax-exempt firms; and selected industry-specific items. In addition, starting with the 1999 survey, e-commerce data were collected for all industries, and export and inventory data were collected for selected industries.

FREQUENCY
Data collection begins in January following the survey year and continues for about 28 weeks. Reported data are for activities which take place during the calendar year. Prior to 1982, the survey was conducted monthly and since that time it has been conducted annually. A new sample is introduced roughly every 5 years.

METHODS
This is a mail-out/mail-back survey of approximately 60,000 selected service businesses with paid employees; supplemented by administrative records data or imputed values to account for non-employer and certain other businesses. To be eligible for the list sample, service businesses must be in the Business Register List (BR), which contains all Employer Identification Numbers (EINs) for listed businesses and all locations of multi-establishment companies. EINs may represent one or more establishments and firms may have one or more EINs.
In the initial sampling, companies are stratified by major and minor kind of business, and by estimated receipts or revenue. All companies with total receipts above applicable size cutoffs are included in the survey and report for all their service industry locations. In a second stage, EINs of unselected companies are stratified by major kind of business and receipts or revenue. Within each stratum a simple random sample of EINs is selected.
The initial sample is updated quarterly to reflect births and deaths, adding new employer businesses identified in the business and professional classification survey, and dropping firms and EINs that are no longer active. During interim periods, service non-employer and other businesses are represented by administrative records data or imputed values.

PRODUCTS
Service Annual Survey reports are normally published no later than 13 months after the end of the survey year. Summary data (total revenue and total expenses) are provided at the sector, sub-sector and industry group level for the survey year and past years. Detailed expense data are published for select sectors and subsectors. Industry specific data, such as product line and detailed revenue (source of funding), are provided for selected industries. In addition, there are data for selected kinds of business by federal income-tax status (taxable and tax-exempt).

USES
The Bureau of Economic Analysis uses these data in its preparation of national income and product accounts, and its benchmark and annual input-output tables. The Bureau of Labor Statistics uses the data as input to its producer price indexes and in developing productivity measurements. The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) uses the data to estimate expenditures for the National Health Accounts. The Coalition of Service Industries uses data for general research and planning.
Trade and professional organizations use the estimates to analyze industry trends and benchmark their own statistical programs, develop forecasts, and evaluate regulatory requirements. The media use estimates for news reports and background information. Private businesses use the estimates to measure market share; analyze business potential; and plan investment decisions.

SPECIAL FEATURES
The Service Annual Survey provides the only source of annual receipts estimates for the service industries.

I’m sure that by now you’re convinced that we are money well spent. But alas, I haven’t even touched on what we’re most famous for!

About 2010 Census

What

Count

The census is a count of everyone residing in the United States: in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico and the Island Areas.

Who

EveryoneAll residents of the United States must be counted. This includes people of all ages, races, ethnic groups, citizens and non-citizens.

When

Every 10 years, and the next census occurs in 2010. Census questionnaires will be mailed or delivered to every household in the United States in March 2010. The questions ask you to provide information that is accurate for your household as of April 1, 2010.
The Census Bureau must count everyone and submit state population totals to the U.S. President by December 31, 2010.
The first Census was conducted in 1790 and has been carried out every 10 years since then.

Where

Everywhere in the U.S.The census counts everyone residing in the United States: in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico and the Island Areas.
People should be counted where they live and sleep most of the year.

Why

The U.S. Constitution (Article I, Section 2) mandates a headcount of everyone residing in the United States. The population totals determine each state’s Congressional representation. The numbers also affect funding in your community and help inform decision makers about how your community is changing. More info…

How

The Census Bureau will mail or deliver questionnaires to your house in March 2010. We will mail a second form to households that do not respond to the initial questionnaire.
Households that still do not respond will be called or visited by a Census worker. (Census workers can be identified by a census badge and bag.)

Filling out your Census is very important!


Why fill out the census form?
Every household in the country will receive a questionnaire in 2010. To ensure an accurate and fair count of all populations at all geographic levels in the nation, the Census Bureau needs you or someone in your household to respond to the census questionnaire.
It’s important. – Census data affect funding for your community, your community’s representation in Congress and your community leader’s planning decisions. More info. . .
It’s easy. – The census questionnaire takes only a few minutes to answer and return by mail.
It’s confidential. – Your responses are protected by law (Title 13, U.S. Code, Section 9). All Census Bureau employees have taken an oath to protect confidentiality and are subject to a jail term, a fine – or both – for disclosing any information that could identify a respondent or household. More info…
It’s required by law. – The information you provide is combined with responses provided by your neighbors and other households across the country, to provide summary statistical data that are used by various local, state and federal agencies.
Census affects funding in your community Census data directly affect how more than $400 billion per year in federal and state funding is allocated to communities for neighborhood improvements, public health, education, transportation and much more. That's more than $4 trillion over a 10-year period. Spending just a few minutes to fill out your census form will help ensure your community gets its fair share of federal and state funding.
Census affects your voice in Congress Mandated by the U.S. Constitution, the census is also used to apportion seats in the U.S. House of Representatives and to redistrict state legislatures. More information about the 2010 Census Redistricting Data Program. . .
Census affects your representation in state and local governmentCensus data are used to define legislature districts, school district assignment areas and other important functional areas of government.
Census informs your community's decisions The census is like a snapshot that helps define who we are as a nation. Data about changes in your community are crucial to many planning decisions, such as where to provide services for the elderly, where to build new roads and schools, or where to locate job training centers.
As you can obviously see, we are not in fact “…wasting tax payers’ dollars”. We are providing the highest quality economic and demographic data while keeping you confidentiality in mind!

After reading the above (and I know you all did), I hope you all now write your congressmen and ask them to spend the both the bailout and stimulus money on giving valuable Census employees raises instead of rescuing banks and or trying to reduce unemployment.

After all how can you reduce unemployment if you don’t know what the unemployment rate is?

On a side note, while we lost last night, I did sweep Bill Belichick in a game of rock, paper, scissors!

Peace I’m outta here!
Craig (MATT)

Injury Report

My apologies to everyone for not providing a detailed recap of last week's game.

I would just want to take this opportunity to confirm and/or deny a few rumors that have been floating around ESPN and the kickball blogosphere.

Rumor: I have suffered a non-kickball injury that will cause me to miss time.
Truth: Unfortunately this one is true. At least I didn't get hurt because I sneezed or because I gave a teammate a high five. The preliminary diagnosis is for me to be back in 2-4 weeks. On Friday I will seek a second opinion with an area physician who speacializes in knee injuries and will have more information at that time.

Rumor: I'm using the injury report as a ploy to foil [Team name redacted]'s game plan.
Truth: While I was looking forward to our rematch with [Team name redacted], I would never stoop so low as to use Bill's tricks.

Rumor: T-Rock was seen at a DC club with the transvestite from the Howard Stern show on his arm.
Truth: While plausible likely, this is actually from an episode of Entourage.

I apologize to all of my fans and teammates. I will begin my rehab as soon as possible with the hopes of getting back onto the field as soon as humanly possible.

Much love,
Craig (MATT)

Redemption

I’d like to start this post off by clearing the air and dispelling any rumors still flying around. Craig (MATT) decided to publish a quote from me that was taken completely out of context. While I did say it, it was not meant the way it seems, and I am 100% dedicated to this team. I put out an official statement on the fan page on facebook, here is the text from that: “I want to officially go on record to state that I am 100% committed to winning. There is a quote circulating, and it was completely taken out of context. I am dedicated to the team, to winning, and to doing whatever it takes as Co-Captain to give It's Not Me, It's You the best chance at a title.” While I’m sure Craig never meant the quote to get so much press, it did, but I am undeterred. I believe my performance on the field (3-3, 3 R, 5 RBI, & another rocky/bloody slide) and at the table (67-75 …ok, I made up the flip cup stats, who keeps flip cup stats?) reveal my dedication to the team.

Speaking of the game last night, great job all around. We got back in the win column this week with a great effort on both sides of the ball. Excellent fielding and great placement on everyone’s kicks did wonders. We had a lot of baserunners and were able to bring a good chunk of them home – keep playing like this and we will consistently rack up the Ws. Following the game, we had a great turn out at the bar as usual and an excellent showing at the flip cup table, the navy blue is starting to be feared. At one point, Craig and I had a brief foray onto foreign tables to help fill out some guys taking on a softball team. They weren’t bad, but I figured it would be the right thing to do to show them how flip cup is supposed to be played, and of course, they were impressed and promised to name their first born after us.

Upon leaving the bar, our wonderful evening took a turn for the worse. We arrived at the Chinatown metro stop hoping to grab a quick yellow line back to VA. Our “quick yellow line” turned out to be a ridiculous wait, as green line trains passed in both directions and each time our hearts sunk lower than Iceland’s after Julie “The Cat” Gaffney stopped Gunnar Stahl’s penalty shot. Thankfully we met a fellow kickballer – albeit a WAKA kickballer – to pass the time with. He had a pretty severe nonkickball-related injury that he was in obvious pain from. It was pretty bad, apparently he fell getting on the metro tripped trying to get into the metro station and had a rash that – no exaggeration – had to be the size of a quarter and was almost bleeding! Man, WAKA is a hardcore league. Finally, after about 2 hours we arrived safely back in VA – putting a horrendous stamp on an otherwise excellent kickball week.

Next week is an important game, we face the team of several It’s Not Me, It’s You minor-leaguers (in a previous post I mentioned we had too big of a team, and we were forced to trim the roster coming out of training camp; several of my coworkers had to be cut and designated for assignment to other teams within the division) and most importantly, it’s the team of our esteemed Commissioner, Jack Fan. This is absolutely a must-win game. No excuses. Craig and I are studying some film from the last few weeks that our buddy collected and having several intense strategy discussions with how best to take down the purple beast that is Booze on First. Though I have a feeling we have nothing to worry about – they look about as athletic as the kids from Heavyweights after hitting an all-you-can-eat buffet – we will still need to be focused. We had a great week this week, let’s build on this success. And to the members of Booze on First: we will, we will, rock you.

Go balls deep,
T Rock

A Response from [Team name redacted]

I feel compelled to crosspost this... straight from their Captain, Max.

So it came to my attention this morning that a certain kickball team has their own blog. So I did what any good American would do and created my own blog to set the record straight. No, Im not going to pull an MSNBC and give you half (and the Obama Loving) side of the story, I'm going to do what the extremely non-partisan network of Fox News Does: I'll report, you decide.

So apparently, certain teams have held grudges from seasons past and have attempted to use this anger in hopes of winning. And to fuel this hatred, they have generated propagandist blogs to spread rumors and hatred across the ranks of kickball. I for one feel that this act of futility is actually a compliment. That other teams must try to win the battle of words because they cannot in fact win the battle on the field.

And did anyone see their blog as a surprise? I sure as hell didn't. It follows the trend of losers across history. They are compelled to write about how they were cheated or how the other team was "mean" in order to justify their lack of physical ability. While I feel there are many perfectly good examples of such behavior from the history of this Loser Kingdom, I will only head back to the days of our childhood. When members of the green team were out winning at sports such as baseball, soccer, football and tennis; certain members of other kickball teams were inside writing diary pages about how sports are stupid and being a loner is the way to go. Meanwhile, they waited by the phone for the call that never came. And as this infested gene pool aged, they found other exciting ways to engage their time. Hey, being a level 58 dungeon master is cool right?

Alas, I bring you back to present day, where these individuals have decided to take the plunge into the world of co-ed sports. Yes, this is a big leap. God forbid there might be physical contact! But the hardest concept these people face is the idea of competition. After all, the only thing they have ever had to compete for is their mother's love, which they had given up on years ago. So, now they have gotten their first whiff of competing and don't like the after-taste.

Don't get me wrong. Sometimes tempers flare and people act crazy in the heat of the moment. But, do you know what I call people that attack the competitive spirit? Communists. Yes, you heard me. Competition is what has made America great. From the assembly line to atomic warfare. America created it, and the world has reaped our rewards. This spirit is what drove the British back, put a man on the moon, and showed the U.N. we weren't afraid to invade another country without a shred of proof. God bless us!

And, ok. Yes, this is the game of kickball. The game that you quit playing after 3rd grade because you found real sports to play. The game you really didn't want to join because you thought your roommates were going to call you a pussy. But, you showed them time after time when skanky ass girls were seen leaving your room the next morning after a rousing game of flipcup. And lets face it, thats why we joined. Alcohol and bitches. But, we might as well play the game of kickball before we get to the bar. And if we are going to play, why not try to win? And, no, your t-ball coach was wrong. It's not how you play, its by how much you beat the other team. Total victory. Nothing is sweeter than seeing the opposing team cry their way off the field as they question their purpose for living.

Also, apparently last night's victory on the mall gave a certain other team a heads up on what they need to improve on for future games. I have an idea on how to improve, recruit athletic players and tell everyone else to stay home and watch Wheel-of-Fortune. And no, kickball does not work like college football. You don't want to lose early, to don't want to lose ever. Period. Winners take home the cheerleading squad. Losers justify themselves being alone because "they haven't found the right one, yet" as they hurl pints of Ben and Jerry's down their throats. And exposing weaknesses early is not a good thing. I think we all knew what the Washington Nationals weaknesses were after their first game, and they sure rebounded....

Ok, so I'm done with this blog entry. I believe I have shed enough insight into the world of the "enemy." Thoughts and comments would be appreciated. On second thought, I don't care what you have to say, you play kickball.

No doubt a swift and to the point response.

Cheers,

Craig (MATT)

The return of [team name redacted]

Last night we suffered our first loss of the season, and a very disappointing one at that. I’m not going to sit here and make excuses. But if kickball works anything like college football, losing early is much better than losing later in the season. (Please leave a comment if you get this joke).

I think this week’s defeat makes us much more dangerous than ever in the future. Our weaknesses, which last week we didn’t think existed were exposed, with ample time to correct them before the All-Star break. --Side Note #1: be sure to email Chase Commissioner Jack Fan telling him how badly you want to see T-Rock and myself in this year’s All-Star game -- Regardless of how it went or didn’t go on the field, I would like to take this opportunity to highlight another stellar performance at the flip-cup table.

SIDE NOTE #2: A few people approached me and said that in our last few posts, there weren’t enough links. Being a man of the people, I hope you all enjoy this post

On to the real point of this post---
If you read my earlier post detailing the post-season tournament for the summer season, you’ll no doubt recall my detailed description of the unbecoming conduct of a certain team whose name shall not be mentioned on this blog. Just when we thought [team name redacted] had gone back to whatever hole they came from, they re-emerged, dressed this time in green, last night and handed us our first defeat of the season.

Team members, to achieve the water status that T-Rock spoke of, we all have to be on the same page. We all have to unite to achieve our common goal of winning it all! It’s not me it’s you, to achieve water status; we have to unite against a common enemy.

Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado, I present to you public enemy #1…

Yes folks, you are seeing the above picture correctly.

Bill Belichick has taken a break from the coaching in the NFL and has morphed into the form of a 20-something year old male with an overly competitive attitude and an ego the size of Texas And in typical Bill Belichick fashion; he has decided to torment us on the field.

Bill Belichick in 20-something year old man form.

I submit that the this picturee, taken from the Chase website is mislabeled. Currently the caption under the photo reads :

“Pitcher Bill Belichick (FIN) hurls the ball to second base.”

Those of us who were present at the game know that it
should read:

“Pitcher Bill Belichick hurls the ball towards a girl’s head as she
heads towards second base”

Bill was, like at the tournament, guilty of some extremely unprofessional
behavior while dealing with this week’s officiating team.

I’m also pretty sure I also saw him taping our pre-game warm-up routine. Maybe that’s how they were able to get the best of us on the field… I digress.

Team members and friends, Bill Belichick is, as of right now, our team’s sworn enemy!

He is the Empire to our Rebellion, the Tony Perkis to our group of loveable fat kids, the Jafar to our Aladdin, the Beagle Boys to our badelynge, the Bluto to our Popeye, the Khan to our Kirk, the terrorist to our Jack Bauer, the Hans Gruber to our John McClean, the John Wilkes Booth to our Abraham Lincoln, the French to our freedom fries, the Lord Zed to our Power Rangers, the Duke Nukem to our Captain Planet and the Planeteers, the Jabba to our Han, the ball to our Happy, the Michael Jackson to our children, the Crosby to our Ovechkin, the Stahl to our Charlie, the Dustin Hoffman to our Robin Williams, the Siren to this girl at 1:09, the Snidely Whiplash to our Canadian Mountie, the Dick Dastardly and muttley to our random assortment of racers, the large turtle-like creature to our Plumbers or for lack of a better analogy-- the Bill Belichick to our fairness and integrity.

So next week, we will show the rest of the league that WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT! WE WILL NOT VANISH WITHOUT A FIGHT! I have no doubt after being struck down, we will come back more powerful than anyone could have ever imagined

Until next week, keep your heads high and ya tailfeathers' shakin’,
-MATT

PS: As always feel free to email us with your comments @ TRocknMatt@gmail.com

VICTORY!

Hello all, I’d like to give a short recap of our opening game. As mentioned in the previous post, everyone wants to play for our team (for obvious reasons) and so week 1 consisted of It’s not me, it’s you taking on the other teams combined. And not even the combined effort of the rest of the conference could stop us – it was basically like trying to throw an infant in front of a freight train. The final score was 16 – 8 and it was a great first week and an awesome all around team effort (except Mike’s 6 allowed runs in 2/3 of the 6th which is an ERA of 54.00...there only 6 innings in kickball). The game ball definitely goes to Marcy for kicking well and playing awesome defense at 1B – I’m actually a little worried the Nationals are going to sign her.

More important than the game (or equally important or less important depending on your level of alcoholism aka flip cup skill) the showing at the bar was fantastic; even more flip cup talent than I had originally anticipated. It’s going to be near impossible to narrow down our best 6 players for the league tournament later in the fall – maybe Jack will allow us to field an A and B side, we’ll see.

Thanks to everyone that showed up, this is only the beginning of what will be an awesome season. See you guys on Friday for the league party and then again on Wednesday for another round of domination.

To victory,
T Rock


***Update: We'd love to hear from all 3 of our fans! Send any questions/thoughts to us TRockNMatt@gmail.com and we will have a post dedicated to answering the emails! ***

Welcome back, GAME TIME.

Hello and welcome back to the blog fans, teammates, members of the media, and our biggest fan base: people who got suckered into opening this page only to close it before this sentence is over. It’s been a while since the last post and there are a few reasons for that. First, MATT and I have hit the recruiting trail hard and put together what is shaping up to be an athletic bunch, but more importantly, an all-star flip cup team – be excited. Second, we’ve had no less than 3 blog fans clamoring for a new post and you have no idea how much of an ego boost that is, so we decided to keep the suspense up. Finally, we’ve been working some angles behind the scenes to bring everything possible to the members of It’s not me, it’s you – but more on that later.

Opening day is upon us folks. Tonight at 6:15 we will convene at 16th and Constitution to get our team shirts (navy blue) and then hit the field. MATT and I have a solid game plan worked out which we will be going over with you guys before game time – it’s pretty much a combination of the best of Bill Parcels, John Madden, and the non-cheating stuff of Bill Belichick (ps my computer does not recognize that as spelled correctly, that put a smile on my face) with a hint of awesome drizzled on top… and that would be John Madden the Super Bowl winning coach, not the half-crazy, scared of airplanes, only states the obvious John Madden most of you were thinking.

One issue that needs to be addressed (refers to the angles I mentioned earlier) is a good one. It’s not me, it’s you is the largest team in the Conference and possibly even the league. This is great. It shows the hard work MATT and I put in, and it also means we were able to find more 3-tool kickballers than we originally thought (reference a previous post about the 3-tool kickballer). As such, our roster is approaching the league-limit and we may have to designate some players for assignment to our AAA affiliate – the other 3 teams in our conference. While this may seem like we don’t want you, I can assure you it is nothing of the sort. In the spirit of sportsmanship MATT and I decided it was best to do this and actually be able to play meaningful games instead of having forfeits all the time. Think of it as an opportunity to show off your kickball skill to the rest of the league, show them what we are all about and represent us well – I have no doubts all of you can and will.

As the largest team in the league there are a lot of questions flying our way. No one over at ESPN thinks a team of this size can function as one cohesive unit and everyone is predicting a flop. This will not occur. In kickball, team chemistry is a huge factor in success – both on the field and at the bar – and we are well aware of this and the bond between all of us will be stronger than the bond between hydrogen and oxygen (I’m an engineer; I don’t actually know anything about real chemistry). To achieve “water status” we will have team events throughout the season. They could be hanging out in MATT’s backyard practicing our flip cup, playing some beer pong in my (penthouse) apt, late-night cow tipping, square dancing in the middle of a random club, or shooting small children with a paintball gun from the back of a pickup…either way, we are going to have some good times this season and will hopefully hoist the kickball trophy AND the golden keg.

I look forward to seeing everyone tonight for the opening week; hopefully everyone will be able to get to the field safely through the huge crowds of fans that will surely be out there – and don’t be fooled, they may look like regular people leaving work or tourists, but trust me, they are all rabid fans, so be careful.


Here’s to an epic season,
T Rock.

July Madness

Good day to all my esteemed readers!

Yesterday was the end of season tournament for the Summer 2009 season. The 10-week regular season of blood, sweat, and tears had ended, and all that remained was a 16-team single elimination tournament for the right to be called Champion. As you could have likely guessed, I’d Hit That’s 1-10(?) record left us just shy of a post-season birth. Although I’m pretty sure that even if we had made it, we would have had to forfeit due to lack of players. But that’s beside the point.

Believe it or not, I’d Hit That really did just miss the post season. The team that beat us out for the 16-seed was actually tied with us with just one regular season win. However the selection committee opted to go leave us out, seeing as the other team in question had legitimately won their game as opposed to winning by a forfeit like I’d Hit That did.
I digress… T-Rock and I, being the superstar Kickballers that we are, were of course recruited by our friends on “That’s What She Said” to play as ringers. Disguised in our dark yellow shirts, T-Rock and I sacrificed our bodies for the cause.

Tim's leg after 2 epic diving catches.

My scrapped up arm the day after sliding to beat out a throw at 3rd

Competing against the unsportsmanlike and ungentlemanly dark pink team (whose name shall not be mentioned), T-Rock and Myself playing integral roles in a back and forth game that came all the way down to the last out.

Down by 1 in the bottom of the fifth with 2 outs, T-Rock managed a line drive single to left. Kicking behind T to protect him the lineup, I came up to the plate and managed a slow dribbler down the 3rd base line. Needless to say I beat out the throw and was able to advance T to 2nd base, or into scoring position if you prefer baseball lingo. Unfortunately, the next kicker popped out and so ended out playoff stint.

I would like to express my displeasure and disgust with the on field manner of the said Pink Team. They were argumentative and downright rude. Even going so far as to accuse yours truly of cheating, and we all know very well how I feel about that.

**Correction—We all know how I feel about that.

Also, note to [team name redacted]: it’s a bad idea to piss off the team that will be refereeing your next game should you go on to beat them.

Moving on…

After losing our first round game, my adopted team was assigned to officiate second round games. Sick of dealing with [team name redacted] T and I volunteered to head over to field B and ref the game between a hybrid light pink team and Scrawsome(?).

Overall it was a pretty boring game. Both teams excelled at short ball and the game ended pretty quickly with a convincing pink team victory. And just in time too; back on field A, the tension level was high and tempers were flaring. [Team name redacted]’s captain actually charged the mound in protest and had to be physically restrained.

Normally I would excuse this type of behavior. In the playoffs, it’s not uncommon to get fired up, and sometimes people can take the game a little more seriously than it should be taken. But to consistently show that kind of behavior is unacceptable. We’re professionals!

The game field A game was epic. By far the greatest game I have had the pleasure to witness. After trading blows all game, and remaining tied up after 2 extra innings, it all came down to a longest kick competition. Our friends over on “We got the runs” against [team name redacted]. God only knows how much the spectators were pulling for “We Got the Runs”. Unfortunately the cheers were to no avail as [team name redacted emerge victorious and advanced to the semifinal round.

Immediately after what everyone thought was the marquee game of the day ended, word started going around that the game on field B between “Lose some weight and we’ll talk” and a green team, whose name is currently evading me, was headed to extra innings.

In the bottom of the 7th, with 2 outs, LSWAWT (I know, ridiculous abbr.) knocked in a walk off RBI to win the game and move on to the finals.

Rather than watch [team name redacted] in the finals, I chose to go to the bar and drink away a disappointing inaugural campaign.

Thank you to everyone for a great season! I look forward to playing with all of you again soon.

Tournament Day was by far the most exciting day of the season and I really wish that Chase would consider having a preseason tournament in addition to the post-season one.

On a random side note, I had a very interesting conversation with Chase League commissioner Jack Fan. I just want to thank him for everything that he’s done. I really like the direction that he’s taking the league in.

By next post I expect everyone who has verbally committed to sign his or her letters of intent and join T-Rock and I in our quest for the Fall Championship. Refer to my previous post for step-by-step directions.

Until Next time,
-MATT

Team Name Officially Unveiled!

Happy Monday all!

As T-Rock mentioned last post, our rookie campaigns have officially come to a close. It was truly a roller coaster season, beginning with the high expectations that we had at the start of the season, then quickly turning into a fight to stay above .500, and ultimately culminating with an embarrassing string of forfeitures.

Anyway, after deciding to test the free agent market, T-Rock and I have jointly decided that our best chance at bringing both the Kickball Championship and the Golden Keg to Crystal City lies with starting our own team.

So the announcement you’ve all been waiting for….drum roll please…. T-Rock and I will be defecting from DC Kickball and starting an expansion team in Chase Kickball. Operating under the team name “It’s not me, it’s you”, we hope to have a very successful and fun 1st season.

While this may come as a surprise to many, Chase first approached us a few weeks ago ----since Chase is technically a league as opposed to another team, this can’t be considered tampering. I’ll reiterate, I don’t stand for cheating— Moving on, Chase first approached T-Rock and I a few weeks ago and offered up a mutually beneficial opportunity.
We all just have to hope that Chase’s inaugural season turns out better than the last time a new league was started for one of the major sports.

If you think you’re tough enough, strong enough, hungry enough, and thirsty enough for that matter, then T-Rock and myself want you to be on our winning team!

By Audible’s request, step-by-step instructions are listed below (yes, step-by-step).

1. Go to Chase Kickball’s website: http://www.chasekickballs.com/
2. Click ‘Register’ on the top left.
3. Click ‘Register’ for the Downtown conference (we’re going to play on Wednesday, can’t miss my Dolphins)
4. Enter all of the required info, making sure selecting our team name (It’s not me, it’s you) from the drop down menu.
5. Check the all of the boxes, enter any comments that you have about how awesome T-Rock and I are in the comments box, then click submit.
6. Leave a comment on the blog or shoot us an email telling us more about yourself.
7. Get ready to kick ass and take names in the upcoming Fall Season.

Until next time
-MATT

Summer Season is Over

The Summer Kickball season has come to a close and free agency officially began 12:01am yesterday – meaning teams could officially extend offers for the fall season. After sifting through the offers and weighing our options Matt and I have reached a decision. We will be forming a new kickball team focused on winning on the field and on the table NOW. This is not a project, not a “team of the future”, not a team looking to develop and contend later on – the time is now.

One very serious offer we had been considering was to re-sign with I’d Hit That and try and rebound from a kickball season worse than the all-midget high jump team. However, the final 3 weeks of the season we had a total of 9 people show up. That’s right, 3 games, 3 people show up at each. That kind of showing, regardless of our current standing, led us very much away from re-signing. The members of the team – when they did show up – were great people and fun to hang out with. Not always the best ball-kickers (or catchers, it was kind of like watching those kids in the outfield of the MLB HR Derby), but pretty much always the best cup-flippers. We had a fun season, and a successful bar season, but we are moving on.

During the latest weak showing Matt took it upon himself to unite members of other teams in order to field a team for a game just for fun. I don’t exactly recall the outcome, but word on the street is that Matt was able to unite the rainbow team and lead them to strong showing. This comes as no surprise; he has always been skilled at rallying up the rainbow cause and does it often. So with Matt’s rainbow skills he will assume the role of Captain for this new team. I will be taking on the role of Co-Captain/President of Kickball Operations – to my understanding that will include scouting, recruiting, contract negotiations, and most importantly, making sure Matt’s “leadership” tactics are effective by giving better motivational speeches when he’s not around. We have commits from a very solid core and will be making a very serious run at the title. The name of our new found team will be…. revealed in Matt’s next post – after all, he is the Captain and the team name was his idea.

As kickball free agency is now in full swing it will be a very busy time, but we are looking to do whatever it takes to field a winning team and to provide a fun experience for our fans. We are looking at options to acquire public funding to perhaps build a brand new stadium for the team – most likely to be paid in full by collecting one year of Marion Barry’s bail and court costs. We are looking to acquire the best 3-tool players available (1 – Kickball skill, 2 – flip-cup skill, 3 – physical attractiveness …in reverse order of importance) and will make our team the best it can be. If you have any questions, funny pictures of Matt, or just general things about how I’m all-around better than him, email them to us.


See you in the fall,
T Rock

Points of Clarification

Greetings fans, I’d like to start out with a response to what Craig had to say.

First, the blog is after all, MY blog and I will name it what I please. Craig will hopefully be posting on it to provide additional perspective during our offseason, sort of like the little umbrella in a drink – it’s nice to have, but when you want to get down to business you just put it off to the side. While on the topic of names, I’d like to share a conversation I had with Craig leading up to posting of my first entry:
T Rock: I’m creating a blog to detail the process. Quick, pick a fun nickname for the blog. I’m using T Rock.
Craig: Lol. Pick a not gay one for me.
T Rock: The Jew? C Rose? Crosen? Cock Knocker? Craig?
Craig: The Jew works fine.



Here is a screen shot of my phone of this text conversation to help dispel any anti-Semitic rumors flying around, and would like to say that I love Jews just as much as the makers of the Lincoln Town Car.

Keeping with the names theme, I will hence forth be referring to Craig as Matt. I’m not sure I like it, and it reminds me too much of his creepy obsession with Matt Damon – he loves Matt Damon like Tom Cruise loves crazy. Eventually a new nickname may follow.

According to the little sitemeter thing at the bottom, we are approaching 200 hits, and have already become more popular than a Congressional Ethics Seminar. With that said, I’d like to give a shout out to a current teammate, the first official “Follower” of the blog, and a key target this offseason – Audible. Second shout out goes to the future head of the T Rock/Matt fan club, Hotlanta chapter – Colors. Thanks for the support.

Finally, I’d like to address the topic of a T Rock/Matt separation come fall – It’s not going to happen. Victory is the only option and any team with a core of sophomore superstars will be an instant contender for a long time – I won’t be the TO to his McNabb, or to his Garcia, or to his Romo… Thanks again for checking out the blog, and feel free to email any questions, comments, or hate mail to TRockNMatt@gmail.com

T Rock

Day in the Life

Hey All (and by all I mean the 10 people I know at work who are actually bored enough to read this),

First of all I want to welcome everyone to the blog. Personally I would have gone with a slightly different name. However, seeing as the blog was T-Rock’s idea. I chose to let him feel important and name it.

In addition to giving the blog an awful name, T-Rock also gave me a god-awful nickname. While I am a member of the Jewish community, I find the nickname of “Jew” to be in poor taste. Therefore on this blog I will from here on be referred to as “More Awesome Than T-Rock” or, for the sake of brevity, MATT for short. And for the sake of appearance MATT will be written as Matt.

In summary: Every time you see my name on the site, you are to think of how much better/cooler/smarter/sexier/wittier/kinder/funnier/[insert positive quality here] I am than T.

Moving on… I’m Craig [read: Matt] and like T-Rock, I have chosen to after my rookie year, opt out of my contract with I’d Hit That at season’s end. After a break out first year campaign that had me on the tip of everyone’s tongue for rookie of the year honors, I think now is time to move on. While the average career span of a Kickballer is typically pretty long, I believe myself to currently be in my prime and would like to go somewhere where I can play an integral part of bringing home a championship.

I plan to use this site as a forum to keep all my fans in the loop about contract negotiations, off-season workouts and to provide my take on any Kickball related issues.

It has recently come to my attention that many of you are wondering what the future will hold for T-Rock and myself. Specifically, which teams each of us will end up playing for come the start of next season?

While currently I am unable to provide an answer to that question, I’ll try and provide my take on some of the more pertinent issues below as I take you through my day yesterday.

I woke up and responded to some emails. One from ESPN Beat Writer John Clayton caught my eye. He asked me which teams have shown interest in me for next season. An interesting question John! However, My agent told me not to mention any teams by name for the fear that it may mess up the negotiation process. But I can say this; currently I have around three standing offers from teams around the district who are in need of a good left fielder. I’m not going to go into details regarding my interests in the offers.

Then I logged onto ESPN.com as I do every morning to see the latest rumors about myself. I couldn’t help but notice an article by Page 2 Columnist Jemele Hill the lack of diversity in the Kickball community with a specific focus on African-Americans. My take on the situation is as follows: Seeing as my people are viewed as the athletic minority, it’s easy for me to understand where Jemele is coming from. I think more than anything the sport needs to find an African American superstar. Look at tennis, golf, and swimming. They found a superstar for minorities to look up to and now all three of those are now… wait a minute they’re all still considered rich white people sports. On second though, forget I said anything…

After showering and getting dressed I met my buddy Adam for some breakfast. Nothing too exciting happened, but I do want to give Adam props. Dude is the MOST generous tipper I have ever seen.

After breakfast I worked out. I take conditioning very seriously and credit my workout routine and devotion for much of my on-field success As any of my current and former teammates will tell you, I take my workouts very seriously and will not break focus for anything.


I decided to actually answer a few questions after I finished the workout. Someone asked me if I would consider parting ways with T-Rock and signing with another team. This is a touchy subject for me. I mean I’m not going to lead everyone to believe that if T-Rock signs somewhere that I’ll follow.
I do have a lot of love for T-Rock, we’ve known each other for a long time, a VERY long time But my goal is to win a championship both on the field and at the flip cup table. I plan to go with the team that I believe is in the best situation to accomplish that. End of discussion.
Before heading out, I returned a phone call from my friend and Albuquerque Isotopes standout Manny Ramirez. We talked for a few minutes, but for some reason he hung up on me mid-sentence and I couldn’t get a hold of him after that when I tried to call him back. No idea what he could have been doing.
My friendship with Manny has raised a lot of questions about my possible use of performance enhancing drugs. I understand these concerns. I’ve actually heard rumors that up to 50% of active players are on “The Juice”. To the originators of these rumors I respond.
“Well, Matt’s not one of them, so that's 49 percent right there.” And you can take that one to the bank.

Seriously though, while my rookie year accomplishments seem impressive and could possibly give some the idea that I was on some type of performance enhancing drug, I assure you that I’m clean. I have complied with all testing requirements and will continue to do so. In our sport, we have no room for cheaters! I consider myself blessed with athletic ability and am so happy would never do anything to jeopardize my future in the sport. I love playing Kickball more than anything and would so much rather make a living like this than say, working construction.

I then took off to see a movie with a buddy who would prefer that his name not be mentioned here. On the way over, I heard a story on the radio about how Real Madrid is shelling out millions to acquire some of the world’s premier Kickballers. This got me thinking about whether or not I’d sell out and take the leap overseas. After about 0.52345 seconds of deep thought, all of my fans can rest assured that I will NOT sell-out and play abroad.

The rest of my night was pretty uneventful; a casual dinner, and then some time at home surfing the net.

Thank you to everyone who made it all the way through! I promise that as soon as I know any more details about what next season may hold, I’ll post it up here.

-Matt

Going Balls Deep

To Whom It May Concern,

Now that I've addressed all 3 people I will be able to force to read at least one of my entries let me get started. The focus of this blog – for the time being – will be to detail the tedious but all-important process of myself (T Rock) and The Jew finding a team heading into next season. The summer season is not over, no, but with a record shockingly worse than the Nationals split vs. little league teams, I think it’s time we go our separate ways (that is a shout out to Mark Titus of the Club Trillion blog). Therefore, I’d like to use this as the official announcement: T Rock and The Jew will be opting out of our current deals following the summer season of DCKickball with I’d Hit That. We had a good run with some better people, even took 2^nd place in the summer flip cup tournament missing some of our key members, and had a fantastic time. We want to thank the fans and we wish the entire franchise nothing but the best moving forward. We don’t know what our current plans are and haven’t completely ruled out a glorious return to once again don the baby blue, but at this time we are exploring other opportunities.

Over the course of the season, after utterly miserable showings on the field, our team had pretty solid showings at the bar. Sadly, as the season wore on more and more players opted not to be lame and twice I was left to fend off all challengers alone – The Jew even bailed on me a few times. Based on flip cup prowess and general awesomeness, both The Jew and I have received several offers ranging from temporary flip cup aid to random sexual favors to full blown defection to the offering team. With many tempting offers on the table, and the possibility to build a new franchise in our own image, we felt opting out would be the best way to go.

Currently, we are just beginning to sift through the offers and pick a few of the best to evaluate, while also gauging interest in joining a brand new team headed up by T Rock and The Jew. The possibilities are endless and very exciting at the same time but our key focus has, and always will be two-fold: (1) Taking home the Golden Keg for a successful flip cup tournament victory, and (2) winning a Division Championship. Our debut in the league has given us perspective on how these might be accomplished and after a T Rock-led rag-tag bunch of flip cuppers overcame some ridiculous odds (Rudy himself would have told us to give up) to place 2^nd in the summer tournament, we feel very confident that we can build up a franchise through free agency and the draft in order to contend on the field and on the table next year. For now, we are working with our agent to assess our current market value and we will make the best decision for us and our careers.

Once more, to the management, players, and fans of I’d Hit That we wish you well, and thanks for the memories.

Until next time, keep kicking balls and flipping cups,

T Rock