Better late than never...

So this week’s game marked yet another win for the men and women in navy blue. Another great all around defensive effort, especially after the opposing team pulled a Major League III and turned off the lights in the stadium.

Stories of interest:

My Return!
I made my triumphant return to the field after recovering from my knee injury. While I was considering pulling a Mateen Cleaves, and trying to make it onto the field for the previous week’s game, it was just too risky. This week however, I was back in the lineup and player coached out team to victory.

Skyler’s Intensity
Skyler, who over the last few games has spent more time on the floor than Dwyane Wade, was savagely run over by an opposing player, who coincidentally just happened to not be named Bill Belichick! I do however suspect that Bill had something to do with it.
From my vantage point as pitcher, it looked as though Nick Saban (that’s his real name, I swear) laid a bunt down the third base line then took off towards Skyler faster than a predator to a playground. As I fielded to ball and fired it towards first, I saw Nick lower his should and brace for impact. As Sky caught the ball I threw to her, she was LEVELED! We’re talking Reggie Bush leveled. Being the badass It’s not me, It’s you-er that she is, she managed to not only hold onto the ball for the out, but also to dramatically slam the ball into Nick’s head as if to say “I hate you for lying to the Dolphins!”

[Team name redacted Update]
After last weeks game, I asked [Team name redacted]’s captain Max to guest post on this blog. I figured it would have given you, the readers, ample opportunity to make fun of him and his minions. After careful consideration though, I will not be posting his entry in its entirety. Instead I will be pulling a Jon Stewart and taking reposting spliced parts of it completely in the context which they were intended to be read.

For those of you who don’t already know, Bill Belichick once again (obviously feeling that I haven’t been hard enough on him in my previous posts) did something devious to a female player.

For a play-by -play by play, I give you Max:

The highlight of last night's contest came from the one and only- Bill Belicheck. Lets revisit the scene of the crime. As Bill rounded third, he gathered steam to charge the catcher at home plate. Even a casual kickball fan could see that he had more hate and passion in his eyes than Pete Rose in an All-star game. As he neared the plate, he lowered his shoulder, and gave a tremendous blow to the opposing teams catcher, who happens to be of the female variety. After the dust stettled and the blood dried, Bill was safe. Not only at home plate, but he has once again found a safe place in our hearts.”

First of all Max, learn to spell your Deity’s name correctly. It’s *Belichick*
Second, you're despicable!

Moving on…
I had the privilege of exchanging emails this week with said 5’3” sub 100lb superstar Booze on First catcher, Dana Bernstein. Find the interview below:

CR: Can you describe exactly what was going through your head before, after and of course during the aforementioned series of events?
DB: Since I've played all the teams, I'm sure by now you all know how competitive I am, especially when I play catcher. I concentrate on every pitch, making sure nothing goes by me and make constant plays at home. On this particular play, we were down by a few runs and I needed to make sure the green team didn't have one of their usual 20 point-lead games. The inning was going fine until suddenly I realized I was going to be needed at home, when I believe it was Alex tried to peg someone at third and the ball got away from us. My teammates were right there to get the ball where the rest of the green congregated, waiting for their turn to kick. Knowing my skills would be needed, I stood at home plate, ready to catch the ball to make the out at home. That was when I saw him. Bill had just rounded third and was charging at me, like a bull let loose. There was nothing I could do besides stand there in fear. I was glued to the spot, watching this beast run at me. It was like being on an African safari, watching a rhinoceros charge at you and there is nothing you can do besides stare and pray it won't gore you to death. Before I knew it, I was getting taken down and sliding across the dirt batter's box with Bill. And then it was over. The wind had been knocked out of me, I was dirty, scraped, and bruised, but I survived.

CR: As he was running over/through you, did his hands touch you anywhere inappropriate?
DB: He was a perfect gentleman, if that gentleman happens to be in a club where women dance for money.

CR: How did your parents react to the Belichick incident?
DB: Funny you should ask this because I saw them this weekend and told them of that harrowing experience. I even showed them my battle wounds, and they were appalled. They begged me not to go back and face that horrible beast, but I told them I couldn't do that. I had to be there for my team. I am the captain, after all.

CR: Describe yourself in exactly 9.5 words
DB: That's not enough words. I'm not on twitter; I don't count words or characters.

CR: Who is better looking Tim or Craig?
DB: It's so hard to choose. They're both really, really ridiculously good looking.

CR: We know by now that you lost the game, probably because your injury damaged your ability to lead your troops. But did you at least beat Bill in pre-game RPS? If yes, describe what was thrown
DB: RPS was intense, but unfortunately, the intensity of the game overshadowed RPS in my memory. I do remember that I won, my first RPS win of the season, so I consider the game a success. Also, I'd like to add that the score was 6-5, after an amazing rally by the females of Booze on First in the last inning. Just saying.

CR: Favorite non-Downtown kickball team and non-kickball team
DB: I have no other favorite kickball team. Booze on First all the way! (Little known fact: Booze on First was the name of my kickball team in the Columbia division of DCK last summer. My friend and I came up with the name and were also co-captains. We were undefeated in the regular season. We kept the name when we switched to CHASE, but my co-captain quit, and I think she's regretted it ever since.) My favorite non-kickball team is the Mets. Now before all you Yankees/Philly fans jump on me, let me explain myself. I was raised a Mets fan and could never root for another New York baseball team, no matter what their stats are. It would be like me rooting for [team name redacted]. I am also aware of the Mets' record this season and in previous seasons, and their record of choking in the playoffs, and it doesn't matter. Mets fan born and raised. Besides, who doesn't like rooting for the underdog?

CR: Any stange pregame rituals or habits we should know about? Tell us what you eat before a big game as well!
DB: After a long day at work, I like to take my time and walk with teammate Allie Funk to the fields where we talk strategy for the upcoming game. A stop at Julia's empanadas as well.; Empanadas, are of course the food of kickball champions.

CR: What's your kickball training regiment like?
DB: Marathons every weekend. Oh, and lots of beer.

CR: What do you to prepare you for the intensity that flip cup in the off-season?
DB: In the off-season, I make sure to keep my tolerance extremely high by drinking as often as possible. I also have a coach, who was on the winning team of WAKA's flip cup tournament last year. He keeps my game in top form.

CR: When is the first time you realized you had a future in kickball?
DB: After my older sister had told me stories of her successful kickball experience, I knew it was meant to be. It was in my blood.

CR: Did you ever doubt that you'd one day be a kickball captain?
DB: I'm a born leader

CR: Can you give our loyal readers some fashion tips to live by this Fall? (from T-Rock)
DB: Scarves. That is all. Best accessory you can ask for. And make men look very straight and manly, I swear.

CR: Haven't seen you do any celebratory dances yet this season. Do you have any in store for us in the upcoming weeks?
DB: Oh just wait. I'm sure you will see my fabulous dancing skills before this season is done. I've been known to bust a few out when you least expect it. And you'll be blown away, I promise.

CR: How many Jelly Beans do you think can fit into a Boeing 747 and why?
DB: Considering I was on a 747 this weekend, I would say 1,783,341,066 jelly beans, roughly. Why? Because it's a huge piece of machinery! (that's what she said...?)

CR: Some people say that they saw you hanging in the club with Kanye West last weekend. Thought you were better than that. Would you care to expDB:
Hold up Craig, this blog post is really awesome and I'mma let you finish, but Booze on First is the best kickball team of all time!!! lain yourself?

CR: What was your strongest subject in school and how do you apply that subject to your kickball game?
DB: I was a history major in college and before the season began, I studied the history of kickball intently and learned all I could to help me out in the game. Such as this important fact: American World War II correspondent Ernie Pyle reported it being played by U.S. soldiers during the Tunisia Campaign, 1942-1943. (citation, wikipedia.org).

Thank you very much Dana for your time!

Don’t jump! Wednesday night will be here sooner than you think.
-Craig (MATT)

PS: Have any questions you’d like Tim or I to answer? Drop us a line @TrocknMatt@gmail.com