Summer Season in the Books!

It’s been a little while since the last post and there have been a lot of XME-related good times. I heard we had a team party, I bet that was a blast! We did a team brunch which was bro-tastic, came oh so close to winning the flip cup tournament, and had a few games of kickball as well.

The team brunch was the perfect way to start off a Sunday morning. Eggs, pancakes, potatoes, mimosas, it was fantastic. Fantastic, until Craig interrupted the good time with an unwelcome addition pulling off his trickery with an unusually large bottle Smirnoff Ice…which, needless to say, left me feeling slightly ill. While I do commend Craig for his textbook icing technique, I am currently plotting my revenge. With brunch and thirst-quenching the primary focus of the day, the kickball game was an afterthought on a day that closed out a great XME-filled weekend.

Next up on the loaded CHASE schedule was the Flip Cup Invitational. Heading in, XME was considered among the favorites to unseat the Summer 2009 champions, the Orange Iguanas. Having only lost to them last summer to the Iguanas I was excited for the opportunity to take them on again with a new team filled with many skilled players. This years’ competition began with a few preliminary round robin matches to be used for seeding followed by a single elimination tournament. XME A (It's Youblew through the preliminary rounds faster than BP through a safety manual and entered the tournament with the #3 overall seed. The XME B (It’s Not Me) squad displayed better-than-expected table skills and advanced out of the first round of the tournament to face the Orange Iguana’s A team. Heavily overmatched, It’s Not Me put up a valiant effort but was defeated in the end. With XME A advancing convincingly it set up a semi-finals match up with the ORG A. Holding a 3-1 edge in games heading into the 5th we were one game away from advancing to the finals to face the ORG B team, but that is where the magical run came to a screeching halt. ORG A clawed back to win the next 3 games and take the match 4 games to 3. It was a gut-wrenching loss and it ended our bid for the flip cup title.

Following the flip cup tournament we were left headed into our final week of kickball and the end of season playoffs. With 3 games remaining we were sitting at the top of the standings tied for first, but a Mickelson-esque collapse down the stretch left us with the 10 seed heading into the playoffs. We got off to a great start putting up a few runs in the first inning and holding strong defensively. As the game progressed we realized we were playing against true gentlemen who graciously accepted defeat. The victory set us up with a rematch from the week before against Drinkers with a Kickball Problem. We played a great game, but we were facing a pitcher with a questionable supplement background and another late collapse saw us lose to the eventual champion.

We were oh so close to the flip cup title and weren’t far off the kickball title in our first summer season. I think I speak for the entire XME Exec Board when I say I’m proud of the effort and talents displayed both on the field and at the table. We put the league on notice, XME is and will be a force to be reckoned with for seasons to come. Until next season...


Go Balls Deep,
T Rock


PS. Registration for the Fall season is open and we would like all of you to register asap so we can continue our ascension to greatness! And fans from other teams please register as well. With myself, Craig, and Kate (of DRK) taking of the Constitution division we can assure you the fall will be overflowing with awesome!

It's not you, It's Me

Good morning. And thank you for joining me.

Many of you reading this are my friends. Many of you reading this know me. Many of you have cheered for me, or worked with me, or supported me, and now, every one of you has good reason to be critical of me.

I want to say to each of you, simply, and directly, I am deeply sorry for the irresponsible and selfish play I engaged in. I take full responsibility for yesterday's loss.

I know people want to find out how I could be so selfish and so foolish. People want to know how I could have done these things to my team, It’s not me, it’s you, and to my fans. And while I have always tried to be a private person, there are some things I want to say.

Tim and I have started the process of discussing the damage caused by my behavior. As he pointed out to me, my real apology to you will not come in the form of words. It will come from my play over time. We have a lot to discuss. However, what we say to each other will remain between the two of us.

I am also aware of the pain my play has caused to those of you on this team. I have let you down. I have let down my fans. For many of you, especially my friends, my play has been a personal disappointment. To those of you who work for me, I have let you down, personally and professionally. My play has caused considerable worry to my business partners.

To everyone involved in my foundation, including my staff, board of directors, sponsors, and most importantly, the young students we reach, our work is more important than ever. Thirteen months ago, CHASE envisioned helping young people achieve their dreams through alcoholism. This work remains unchanged and will continue to grow. From the Learning Center students in Southern California, to the Y. Jack Fan Scholars in Washington, D.C., millions of kids have changed their lives, and I am dedicated to making sure that continues.

But, still, I know I have severely disappointed all of you. I have made you question who I am and how I played the way I did. I am embarrassed that I have put you in this position. For all that I have done, I am so sorry. I have a lot to atone for.
But there is one issue I really want to discuss. Some people have speculated that Tim somehow hurt or attacked me after the game. It angers me that people would fabricate a story like that. He never hit me that night or any other night. There has never been an episode of violence in our team’s tenure. Ever.

The Exec Board has shown enormous grace and poise throughout this ordeal. They deserve praise, not blame. The issue involved here was my repeated irresponsible behavior. I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated. What I did is not acceptable. And I am the only person to blame. I stopped living by the core values that I was taught to believe in.

I know my play was poor. But I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself. I ran straight through the boundaries that a captain should live by. I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn't have far -- didn't have to go far to find them.

I was wrong. I was foolish. I don't get to play by different rules. The same boundaries that apply to everyone apply to me. I brought this shame on myself. I hurt my co-captain, my friends, my teammates, my teammate’s families, my fans, my foundation, and kids all around the world who admired me.

I've had some time to think about what I have done. My failures have made me look at myself in a way I never wanted to before. It is now up to me to make amends. And that starts by never repeating the mistakes I have made. It is up to me to start living a life of integrity.

I once heard -- and I believe it is true -- it's not what you achieve on the field that matters, it is what you overcome. Achievements on the kickball field are only part of setting an example. Character and decency are what really count. Parents used to point to me as a role model for their kids. I owe all of those families a special apology. I want to say to them that I am truly sorry.

It is hard to admit that I need help. But I do. For 45 days, from the end of December to early February, I was in inpatient therapy, receiving guidance for the issues I'm facing. I have a long way to go. But I've taken my first steps in the right direction.

As I proceed, I understand people have questions. I understand the press wants me to -- to ask me for the details of the time that I played poorly. I understand people want to know whether XME will remain together next season. Please know that as far as I'm concerned, every one of these questions and answers is a matter between my teammates and I. These are issues between a captain and a team.

Some people have made up things that never happened. They said I used performance-enhancing drugs. This is completely and utterly false.
Some have written things about my family. Despite the damage I have done, I still believe it is right to shield my family from the public spotlight. They did not do these things. I did. They have been kept separate from my sponsors, my commercial endorsements.

However, my play doesn't make it right for the media to follow my 89-year-old grandmother to her doctor and report the doctor’s location. Whatever my wrongdoings, for the sake of my family, please leave my grandmother alone!
I recognize I have brought this on myself. And I know above all I am the one who needs to change. I owe it to my team to become a better captain. I owe it to those closest to me to become a better player. That is where my focus will be. I have a lot of work to do. And I intend to dedicate myself to doing it.

Part of following this path for me is Flying Spaghetti Monster, which my mother taught me at a young age. People probably don't realize it, but I was raised a Pastafarian, and I actively practiced my faith from childhood until I drifted away from it in recent years. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster teaches that a craving for things outside ourselves causes an unhappy and pointless search for security. It teaches me to stop following every impulse and to learn restraint. Obviously, I lost track of what I was taught.

As I move forward, I will continue to receive help because I have learned that is how people really do change. Starting tomorrow, I will practice and game plan harder than ever.

I would like to thank my friends at CHASE and the players on my team that were on the field with me this week, for understanding why I am making this -- these remarks today. In retrospect, I have learned that looking at -- the importance of looking at my kickball game and keeping in balance with my atheltic life. I need to regain my balance and be centered so I can save the things that are most important to me: teammates and my friends.

That also means relying on others for help. I have learned to seek support from my peers, and I hope someday to return that support to others who are seeking help.

I do plan to return to the field eventually. I don’t know when that day will be. I don't rule out that it will be next week. When I do return, I need to make my play more respectful of the game.

In recent hours, I have received many dozens of e-mails, letters and phone calls from people expressing good wishes. To everyone who has reached out to me, thank you. Your encouragement means the world to XME and me. I want to thank the CHASE Kickball Commissioner [Jack] Fan and the players for their patience and understanding while I work on my kickball life. I look forward to seeing my fellow teammates on the field.

Finally, there are many people reading this and there are many people not reading this who believed in me. Today, I want to ask for your help. I ask you to find room in your hearts to one day believe in me again. Thank you.

Victory All Around

After rolling sputtering through much of the season the KCK squad led by the headshot king Bill Belichick, picked up their first loss of the season and now sit with so many others on the doorstep of history yet another loss. Perhaps the nicer, calmer, no-headshot Belichick has also lost his fiery competitiveness that led [team name redacted] to so many victories in the fall. The killer instinct that led him to mow down any girl in his path (see: Dana) just doesn't seem to be there anymore. However, KCK did put up a valiant effort despite being severely shorthanded and fielding a player wearing inappropriate footwear they wouldn’t back down and put up a valiant effort. However, when the game ended and the dust from Belichick’s huge whiff settled, It’s Not Me, It’s You was once again victorious.

Another HUGE surprise coming out of Sunday, one that I would not believe had I not been there to witness it, less surprising than Jeremy not getting kicked out of the mid-season party, less surprising than Dane Cook actually becoming funny again, and less surprising than this blown call…. The Drunken Dodgers won a game. Congrats to them and maybe this will be the beginning of a long winning streak!

You’re right, probably not.

We had a great win last game, but we have a tough stretch the next 3 games. We are tied for 1st at (4-1) with 3 other teams, and they just so happen to be our next 3 opponents. The warm-up games are over and now its business time. We need to stay focused and take it one game at a time and we will prove to be victorious!

Even though we are just getting into the meat of this seasons’ schedule, next season is approaching. Registration for the fall season is now open and its sure to be an awesome time. The fall season will mark the first season under new leadership in the Constitution Division in over 3 years. With yours truly and fellow XME-er Craig at the helm, and the fun-loving Kate Maxwell of DRK we personally guarantee awesome times all around so be sure to sign up!

With that I hope everyone enjoyed their week off and is well rested and ready for one of the toughest stretches ever. Until next time…

Go Balls Deep,
T Rock

Shutout!

Another week of kickball is in the books and it’s another W for It’s Not Me, It’s You. This week XME performed solidly in all phases of the game leading to a shutout win 4-0 over the shorthanded In the Faaaaccce. The game drew comparisons from onlookers to the basketball scenes out of 3OH!3’s video. The defensive showing was the best of the season and it was the first shutout of what is surely to be many. The win puts XME at 3-1 and into a tie for 1st place in the division! Conference standings to date:

Constitution Conference Standings
1. XME (3-1-0)
2. EYE (3-1-0)
3. ORG (3-1-0)
4. LIQ (3-1-0)
5. SHT (3-1-0)
6. DKP (3-1-0)
7. POO (2-1-1)
8. WEN (2-1-1)
9. DAL (2-1-1)
10. WHJ (2-2-0)
11. ITB (2-2-0)
12. KCK (1-2-1)
13. R76 (1-3-0)
14. CHG (0-4-0)
15. DRK (0-4-0)
16. INF (0-4-0)

As always, your captains Craig and I are proud of the energy and enthusiasm on display Sunday and look forward to kicking the balls off the competition in the weeks to come.

This week provided another kickball event: the mid-season party at Midtown Loft. With all predictions pointing to out esteemed social chair topping this dude’s BAC we were all ready for a good time. Being the league drunk that he is, Jeremy planned our arrival so we’d be sure to be there early just in case there were any bottles of vodka lying around. The party got underway and a few things became clear early on. The first was the potentially disastrous combination of small drink cups and only 2 bartenders. However, upon further inspection, the bartenders were ok in our book. The second was the sense that something felt different about the night, this would not be your normal kickball drinking event and I just couldn’t place my finger on why (not until later anyway).

As the night went on and more kickballers arrived, XME played a little bar shuffleboard with giddy anticipation for the unveiling of Jack Fan’s birthday surprise (which apparently turned out to be his 2nd best birthday surprise). Zamir Ahmed – President of the It’s Not Me, It’s You Fan Club, Zamir Ahmed Chapter – had a stroke of genius one night for an awesome birthday surprise for the esteemed director of CHASE, Jack Fan: “I am a Jack Fan” t-shirts. The shirts were a big hit and Zamir deserves all the credit for putting it together, nice work Zamir.

As the night grew old and we prepared to go our separate ways I looked around and was shocked at what I saw: Jeremy Joy was still in the bar, hadn’t been kicked out, and was not passed out. Clearly this night was like no other kickball event before.

This week overall was a great week for kickball and kickball-related drinking. Next week brings with it a challenge as we will be taking on KCK led by the legendary Bill Belichick. With a record of (1-2-1) the matchup does not seem to be much of a challenge, but any team led by the legend himself always has a chance. If we stay focused and play solid defense I know we can be the Dwyane Wade to KCK’s Anderson Varejao.

Enjoy the weekend and get ready to dominate on the field and at the table, and until next time…

Go Balls Deep,
T Rock

P.S. Entrance music is happening THIS WEEK! If you haven’t yet sent me a song choice to use for your at-bats I will choose something that you might not find as funny as everyone else. Get on it!

As expected and promised

As promised, XME delivered and returned to the win column with a win over the Drunken Dodgers on Sunday.

Instead of boring you with a recap of the game (like I could ever bore you), I just want to give a quick shout to both Anne and Jeremy Joy for their ridiculous pitching skills.

If you remember, in my last post I asked you all to email the Drunken Dodger's Captain and let her know exactly how awesome XME is. Loyal teammates and readers, Kate received hundreds if not thousands of emails riddled with trash talk and demeaning comments.

I of course was somehow able to pick out the best two:

From: Zamir Ahmed <********@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Apr 30, 2010 at 4:25 PM
Subject: A note on the pain being brought this weekend
To: katiemmaxwell@hotmail.com
Cc: TRockNMatt@gmail.com

Dear Kate,

As the founder, president, and sole member of the It's Not Me, It's You Fan Club - Zamir Ahmed Chapter, I feel compelled to join in the pre-game banter and engage in America's favorite pastime - ridiculing weaker and inferior opponents with humorous put-downs and Yo Mama jokes. How am I NOT supposed to jump into this fight since we all know this game will produce the greatest ass-whoopin' since this kid met breakdancing. I would say that this game is like Chuck Norris fighting these guys but that's an insult to the Texas Ranger. There's not a chance in hell that any amount of training, even as a montage, will save you from a fate worse than death. You should forfeit now to avoid the embarrassment and try to redeem yourselves at the bar by participating in flip cup. Participation is a far cry from actually winning though, but maybe you'll somehow pull off one of the greatest upsets ever.

Of course, the outcome of this game is meaningless since neither XME or DRK will have any shot against my team in the playoffs. Team Blitzkrieg will be opening up a can of Kristallnacht on you all come postseason. You have been warned.

Disrespectfully,

Zamir Ahmed

Captain and Chief Aryan

Team Blitzkrieg

Founder and President

It's Not Me, It's You Fan Club

Zamir Ahmed Chapter

________________________________________________________________

From: Jeremy Joy <********@gmail.com>

Date: Fri, Apr 30, 2010 at 3:58 PM
Subject: The DRK fall to the dominating XME squad
To: katiemmaxwell@hotmail.com
Cc: TRockNMatt@gmail.com

Dear Kate Maxwell,

It’s Not Me, It’s You (from hereinafter “XME”) is a beast of a team that not many people can take down. I don’t see that changing when we play, your team, the Drunken Dodgers (from hereinafter “DRK”) on Sunday. I mean let’s face it, the DRK are not known for their on the field presence or their flip cup table prowess. This is why I feel a little guilty (that may or may not be a lie) sending this e-mail because it is just adding more insult to the soon to be injury.

I noticed the attempt to rebuild during the off-season by adding some new additions. I like the moves. Hopefully you all will redeem yourselves and win more than one game this season. It is just not going to happen against us on Sunday on the field or at the table.

On a more positive note, I would like to give your team some credit in that they do represent well at the bar and seem like they know how to have a good time. The DRK are one of the more fun teams participating on Sundays. Notice how I said one of the more because there again the DRK still fall short to the awesomeness that is XME.

Now for some predictions:

Kickball: XME wins 11-2 with the two runs coming from XME being distracted as we witness Bill Belichick, yet again, hit another innocent girl in the head.

Flip Cup: XME will eventually get bored of dominating and go play with a more competitive team.

Awesomeness: See above.

In parting, congrats on assembling a fun team this season that I hope can co-mingle and join some of the social events that our team will be hosting. Just be prepared for the business that will be handled on the field and off this coming Sunday.

IT’S YOU!,

Jeremy Joy

XME's Social Chair

P.S. I would recommend practicing your roshambo just so you can at least walk away with a little win, and not just all fail on Sunday

____________________

I can't make this stuff up,
-Craig (MATT)

[B]All to Arms!

So I was talking to Kate M., captain of Drunken Dodgers, the other day. Our conversation went something like this…

CR: Hi Kate.

KM: My kickball team is better than yours!

CR: I highly doubt that.

KM: Uh-hu we are!

CR: You guys have never even won a game

KM: Ya-hu we so have. We SO have!

CR: Why are you arguing like a 5 year old?

KM: Oh yea, well your team smells!

Mature Kate, real mature.

I’m not a little kid anymore, but I’m pretty sure that sounded like a challenge. I know we don’t need to be challenged in order to win (we rarely are). But this team doesn’t even know the difference between fair and foul balls! So I call upon you fellow It’s not me, It’s You-ers! Let’s get out there on Sunday and make them wish they were never born! Let’s beat them so badly that they’re too embarrassed to even come to the bar after the game! Let’s (for a second at least) pretend they’re undefeated going into the championship game and ruin their hopes of a perfect season! Let’s… you get the point…

If you don’t know Kate, here’s a picture of her at the DC United Tailgate After-party so, should you see her on the street, you can taunt her (before the game) and/or ridicule her (after we win the game) for having the audacity to call us out.

Onto the meat and potatoes of the post,

Leading up to the game, I’d like everyone to email Kate (katiemmaxwell@hotmail.com) and let her know how horrible the loss on Sunday is going to be. Don’t forget to CC T-Rock and I (TRockNMatt@gmail.com), we’ll post the best emails on the site next week.

Not on XME? It doesn’t matter, send Kate an email anyway! Tell her how much cooler XME is than her team or send her a guess regarding how many runs they’ll lose by.

Even Y. Jack thinks DRK are a joke!

In other news, I heard the beer brunch was an awesome time. Engaging in activities like these build team chemistry and are what make us the unstoppable force that we are on the field and at the table (not to mention the coolest team in the league). Thank you to everyone who attended. And to those who didn’t…don’t worry, they’ll be another.

However, unfortunately for XME, CHASE’s fearless leader Y. Jack Fan cancelled the game due to [not-so] imminent thunderstorms. Personally I think he just wanted to spare “Drinkers with a Kickball Problem” from the same embarrassment suffered by Danielle’s Team in week 1.

Apologies go out to all my teammates for missing the brunch and the game. On a random note, there was actually a charity kickball tournament in Evanston while I was there. My brother and I were going to participate, but we decided it wouldn’t be a good idea to participate in an exhibition game and risk injury

Before I end this post… I want to take a few minutes to introduce everyone to the XME Leadership Board members (and unveil our Greek letters!)

Captain:

Myself: Known for my delegation skills (why do you think we have a leadership board?) I’m pretty much an all-around badass with an affinity for beer and a man-crush on Jack Bauer. I’m the one that runs things on game day and who continuously spams you inboxes throughout the week.

Co-Captain:

T-Rock: Tim enjoys long walks on the beach, Care Bears re-runs, and flip-cup. Aside from writing on the blog, I really have no idea what Tim’s duties include.

Social Chair:

JJoy: His job is to set up happy hours, beer brunches and the like. Jeremy has a penchant for getting kicked out of bars, which in all honesty, makes him the perfect man for the job.

Treasurer

JJames: He went to MIT and is therefore in charge of figuring out the tab at the bar after the games.

News of Note/Belichick Watch:

Aside from pegging girls in the heads on Sundays, it seems our nemesis has taken up fashion design. A disturbing fashion trend seems to be gaining popularity on sidelines around the sports world. We should all keep an eye on this as it develops further.

Here's to a big win [margin] on Sunday,

Craig (MATT)

Scouting Trip

I procrastinated all week and am leaving town in an hour, so here's a picture of the KFC Double Down to help get you through the day.

I promise a longer post next week about how awesome Tim and I are and maybe some other stuff too.

New Season, Same Goal: WIN!

Welcome back fans and fellow It’s Not Me, It’s You-ers. Its that wonderful time of the year when the flowers are blooming, the sun is out, and the most important thing of all – the return of kickball. With much anticipation the season kicked off on Sunday, and I feel the words of famed dodgeball announcer Cotton McKnight best describe the magnitude of this: “a sporting event greater than the World Cup, World Series and World War II combined”.

As kickball seasons got underway XME was faced with an early test. – a week 1 match up with the Drunk Again & Looking to Score led by the legendary Danielle Magid, whose drinking skill is only matched her fiery competitiveness. Leading up to the game there were quotes flying around on both sides, a lot of trash talking, but in the end there can be only 1 winner. When the dust settled and Danny stopped yelling at her team the outcome was clear – XME was victorious! After a slow offensive start we were down but not out. Following what can only be described as the most epic and timely uttering of “c’mon guys, we can do this” Craig drew comparisons to Lance Armstrong’s speech on quitting. The team responded well and kicked it into gear and gave them a spanking Sam would enjoy. In the end the scoreboard read 8-3 and week 1 ended with XME at 1-0.

The prospects for the upcoming season look great. Big win last week - great all around defense, timely kicks, and a great showing at the bar. Not only did we play and excellent kickball game, we dominated the table at the bar like the soccer ball dominated this kid.

Game notes: Notable attendees – I’m pretty sure I saw Obama checking us out from his bedroom window, Bill Belichick made an appearance sporting the same sweater under armor shirt he always wears and clearly never washes. Shefali played a great game and scored the go-ahead run. Craig had the only error for XME, and according to the Elias Sports Bureau, it was just the 2nd of his career. After arriving late only shirts size small were left and its clear T Rock is too sexy for his shirt.


Great win and see you all on Sunday,
T Rock


Ps. As always send any questions, comments, or hate mail to TRockNMatt@gmail.com