Redemption

I’d like to start this post off by clearing the air and dispelling any rumors still flying around. Craig (MATT) decided to publish a quote from me that was taken completely out of context. While I did say it, it was not meant the way it seems, and I am 100% dedicated to this team. I put out an official statement on the fan page on facebook, here is the text from that: “I want to officially go on record to state that I am 100% committed to winning. There is a quote circulating, and it was completely taken out of context. I am dedicated to the team, to winning, and to doing whatever it takes as Co-Captain to give It's Not Me, It's You the best chance at a title.” While I’m sure Craig never meant the quote to get so much press, it did, but I am undeterred. I believe my performance on the field (3-3, 3 R, 5 RBI, & another rocky/bloody slide) and at the table (67-75 …ok, I made up the flip cup stats, who keeps flip cup stats?) reveal my dedication to the team.

Speaking of the game last night, great job all around. We got back in the win column this week with a great effort on both sides of the ball. Excellent fielding and great placement on everyone’s kicks did wonders. We had a lot of baserunners and were able to bring a good chunk of them home – keep playing like this and we will consistently rack up the Ws. Following the game, we had a great turn out at the bar as usual and an excellent showing at the flip cup table, the navy blue is starting to be feared. At one point, Craig and I had a brief foray onto foreign tables to help fill out some guys taking on a softball team. They weren’t bad, but I figured it would be the right thing to do to show them how flip cup is supposed to be played, and of course, they were impressed and promised to name their first born after us.

Upon leaving the bar, our wonderful evening took a turn for the worse. We arrived at the Chinatown metro stop hoping to grab a quick yellow line back to VA. Our “quick yellow line” turned out to be a ridiculous wait, as green line trains passed in both directions and each time our hearts sunk lower than Iceland’s after Julie “The Cat” Gaffney stopped Gunnar Stahl’s penalty shot. Thankfully we met a fellow kickballer – albeit a WAKA kickballer – to pass the time with. He had a pretty severe nonkickball-related injury that he was in obvious pain from. It was pretty bad, apparently he fell getting on the metro tripped trying to get into the metro station and had a rash that – no exaggeration – had to be the size of a quarter and was almost bleeding! Man, WAKA is a hardcore league. Finally, after about 2 hours we arrived safely back in VA – putting a horrendous stamp on an otherwise excellent kickball week.

Next week is an important game, we face the team of several It’s Not Me, It’s You minor-leaguers (in a previous post I mentioned we had too big of a team, and we were forced to trim the roster coming out of training camp; several of my coworkers had to be cut and designated for assignment to other teams within the division) and most importantly, it’s the team of our esteemed Commissioner, Jack Fan. This is absolutely a must-win game. No excuses. Craig and I are studying some film from the last few weeks that our buddy collected and having several intense strategy discussions with how best to take down the purple beast that is Booze on First. Though I have a feeling we have nothing to worry about – they look about as athletic as the kids from Heavyweights after hitting an all-you-can-eat buffet – we will still need to be focused. We had a great week this week, let’s build on this success. And to the members of Booze on First: we will, we will, rock you.

Go balls deep,
T Rock

A Response from [Team name redacted]

I feel compelled to crosspost this... straight from their Captain, Max.

So it came to my attention this morning that a certain kickball team has their own blog. So I did what any good American would do and created my own blog to set the record straight. No, Im not going to pull an MSNBC and give you half (and the Obama Loving) side of the story, I'm going to do what the extremely non-partisan network of Fox News Does: I'll report, you decide.

So apparently, certain teams have held grudges from seasons past and have attempted to use this anger in hopes of winning. And to fuel this hatred, they have generated propagandist blogs to spread rumors and hatred across the ranks of kickball. I for one feel that this act of futility is actually a compliment. That other teams must try to win the battle of words because they cannot in fact win the battle on the field.

And did anyone see their blog as a surprise? I sure as hell didn't. It follows the trend of losers across history. They are compelled to write about how they were cheated or how the other team was "mean" in order to justify their lack of physical ability. While I feel there are many perfectly good examples of such behavior from the history of this Loser Kingdom, I will only head back to the days of our childhood. When members of the green team were out winning at sports such as baseball, soccer, football and tennis; certain members of other kickball teams were inside writing diary pages about how sports are stupid and being a loner is the way to go. Meanwhile, they waited by the phone for the call that never came. And as this infested gene pool aged, they found other exciting ways to engage their time. Hey, being a level 58 dungeon master is cool right?

Alas, I bring you back to present day, where these individuals have decided to take the plunge into the world of co-ed sports. Yes, this is a big leap. God forbid there might be physical contact! But the hardest concept these people face is the idea of competition. After all, the only thing they have ever had to compete for is their mother's love, which they had given up on years ago. So, now they have gotten their first whiff of competing and don't like the after-taste.

Don't get me wrong. Sometimes tempers flare and people act crazy in the heat of the moment. But, do you know what I call people that attack the competitive spirit? Communists. Yes, you heard me. Competition is what has made America great. From the assembly line to atomic warfare. America created it, and the world has reaped our rewards. This spirit is what drove the British back, put a man on the moon, and showed the U.N. we weren't afraid to invade another country without a shred of proof. God bless us!

And, ok. Yes, this is the game of kickball. The game that you quit playing after 3rd grade because you found real sports to play. The game you really didn't want to join because you thought your roommates were going to call you a pussy. But, you showed them time after time when skanky ass girls were seen leaving your room the next morning after a rousing game of flipcup. And lets face it, thats why we joined. Alcohol and bitches. But, we might as well play the game of kickball before we get to the bar. And if we are going to play, why not try to win? And, no, your t-ball coach was wrong. It's not how you play, its by how much you beat the other team. Total victory. Nothing is sweeter than seeing the opposing team cry their way off the field as they question their purpose for living.

Also, apparently last night's victory on the mall gave a certain other team a heads up on what they need to improve on for future games. I have an idea on how to improve, recruit athletic players and tell everyone else to stay home and watch Wheel-of-Fortune. And no, kickball does not work like college football. You don't want to lose early, to don't want to lose ever. Period. Winners take home the cheerleading squad. Losers justify themselves being alone because "they haven't found the right one, yet" as they hurl pints of Ben and Jerry's down their throats. And exposing weaknesses early is not a good thing. I think we all knew what the Washington Nationals weaknesses were after their first game, and they sure rebounded....

Ok, so I'm done with this blog entry. I believe I have shed enough insight into the world of the "enemy." Thoughts and comments would be appreciated. On second thought, I don't care what you have to say, you play kickball.

No doubt a swift and to the point response.

Cheers,

Craig (MATT)

The return of [team name redacted]

Last night we suffered our first loss of the season, and a very disappointing one at that. I’m not going to sit here and make excuses. But if kickball works anything like college football, losing early is much better than losing later in the season. (Please leave a comment if you get this joke).

I think this week’s defeat makes us much more dangerous than ever in the future. Our weaknesses, which last week we didn’t think existed were exposed, with ample time to correct them before the All-Star break. --Side Note #1: be sure to email Chase Commissioner Jack Fan telling him how badly you want to see T-Rock and myself in this year’s All-Star game -- Regardless of how it went or didn’t go on the field, I would like to take this opportunity to highlight another stellar performance at the flip-cup table.

SIDE NOTE #2: A few people approached me and said that in our last few posts, there weren’t enough links. Being a man of the people, I hope you all enjoy this post

On to the real point of this post---
If you read my earlier post detailing the post-season tournament for the summer season, you’ll no doubt recall my detailed description of the unbecoming conduct of a certain team whose name shall not be mentioned on this blog. Just when we thought [team name redacted] had gone back to whatever hole they came from, they re-emerged, dressed this time in green, last night and handed us our first defeat of the season.

Team members, to achieve the water status that T-Rock spoke of, we all have to be on the same page. We all have to unite to achieve our common goal of winning it all! It’s not me it’s you, to achieve water status; we have to unite against a common enemy.

Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado, I present to you public enemy #1…

Yes folks, you are seeing the above picture correctly.

Bill Belichick has taken a break from the coaching in the NFL and has morphed into the form of a 20-something year old male with an overly competitive attitude and an ego the size of Texas And in typical Bill Belichick fashion; he has decided to torment us on the field.

Bill Belichick in 20-something year old man form.

I submit that the this picturee, taken from the Chase website is mislabeled. Currently the caption under the photo reads :

“Pitcher Bill Belichick (FIN) hurls the ball to second base.”

Those of us who were present at the game know that it
should read:

“Pitcher Bill Belichick hurls the ball towards a girl’s head as she
heads towards second base”

Bill was, like at the tournament, guilty of some extremely unprofessional
behavior while dealing with this week’s officiating team.

I’m also pretty sure I also saw him taping our pre-game warm-up routine. Maybe that’s how they were able to get the best of us on the field… I digress.

Team members and friends, Bill Belichick is, as of right now, our team’s sworn enemy!

He is the Empire to our Rebellion, the Tony Perkis to our group of loveable fat kids, the Jafar to our Aladdin, the Beagle Boys to our badelynge, the Bluto to our Popeye, the Khan to our Kirk, the terrorist to our Jack Bauer, the Hans Gruber to our John McClean, the John Wilkes Booth to our Abraham Lincoln, the French to our freedom fries, the Lord Zed to our Power Rangers, the Duke Nukem to our Captain Planet and the Planeteers, the Jabba to our Han, the ball to our Happy, the Michael Jackson to our children, the Crosby to our Ovechkin, the Stahl to our Charlie, the Dustin Hoffman to our Robin Williams, the Siren to this girl at 1:09, the Snidely Whiplash to our Canadian Mountie, the Dick Dastardly and muttley to our random assortment of racers, the large turtle-like creature to our Plumbers or for lack of a better analogy-- the Bill Belichick to our fairness and integrity.

So next week, we will show the rest of the league that WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT! WE WILL NOT VANISH WITHOUT A FIGHT! I have no doubt after being struck down, we will come back more powerful than anyone could have ever imagined

Until next week, keep your heads high and ya tailfeathers' shakin’,
-MATT

PS: As always feel free to email us with your comments @ TRocknMatt@gmail.com

VICTORY!

Hello all, I’d like to give a short recap of our opening game. As mentioned in the previous post, everyone wants to play for our team (for obvious reasons) and so week 1 consisted of It’s not me, it’s you taking on the other teams combined. And not even the combined effort of the rest of the conference could stop us – it was basically like trying to throw an infant in front of a freight train. The final score was 16 – 8 and it was a great first week and an awesome all around team effort (except Mike’s 6 allowed runs in 2/3 of the 6th which is an ERA of 54.00...there only 6 innings in kickball). The game ball definitely goes to Marcy for kicking well and playing awesome defense at 1B – I’m actually a little worried the Nationals are going to sign her.

More important than the game (or equally important or less important depending on your level of alcoholism aka flip cup skill) the showing at the bar was fantastic; even more flip cup talent than I had originally anticipated. It’s going to be near impossible to narrow down our best 6 players for the league tournament later in the fall – maybe Jack will allow us to field an A and B side, we’ll see.

Thanks to everyone that showed up, this is only the beginning of what will be an awesome season. See you guys on Friday for the league party and then again on Wednesday for another round of domination.

To victory,
T Rock


***Update: We'd love to hear from all 3 of our fans! Send any questions/thoughts to us TRockNMatt@gmail.com and we will have a post dedicated to answering the emails! ***

Welcome back, GAME TIME.

Hello and welcome back to the blog fans, teammates, members of the media, and our biggest fan base: people who got suckered into opening this page only to close it before this sentence is over. It’s been a while since the last post and there are a few reasons for that. First, MATT and I have hit the recruiting trail hard and put together what is shaping up to be an athletic bunch, but more importantly, an all-star flip cup team – be excited. Second, we’ve had no less than 3 blog fans clamoring for a new post and you have no idea how much of an ego boost that is, so we decided to keep the suspense up. Finally, we’ve been working some angles behind the scenes to bring everything possible to the members of It’s not me, it’s you – but more on that later.

Opening day is upon us folks. Tonight at 6:15 we will convene at 16th and Constitution to get our team shirts (navy blue) and then hit the field. MATT and I have a solid game plan worked out which we will be going over with you guys before game time – it’s pretty much a combination of the best of Bill Parcels, John Madden, and the non-cheating stuff of Bill Belichick (ps my computer does not recognize that as spelled correctly, that put a smile on my face) with a hint of awesome drizzled on top… and that would be John Madden the Super Bowl winning coach, not the half-crazy, scared of airplanes, only states the obvious John Madden most of you were thinking.

One issue that needs to be addressed (refers to the angles I mentioned earlier) is a good one. It’s not me, it’s you is the largest team in the Conference and possibly even the league. This is great. It shows the hard work MATT and I put in, and it also means we were able to find more 3-tool kickballers than we originally thought (reference a previous post about the 3-tool kickballer). As such, our roster is approaching the league-limit and we may have to designate some players for assignment to our AAA affiliate – the other 3 teams in our conference. While this may seem like we don’t want you, I can assure you it is nothing of the sort. In the spirit of sportsmanship MATT and I decided it was best to do this and actually be able to play meaningful games instead of having forfeits all the time. Think of it as an opportunity to show off your kickball skill to the rest of the league, show them what we are all about and represent us well – I have no doubts all of you can and will.

As the largest team in the league there are a lot of questions flying our way. No one over at ESPN thinks a team of this size can function as one cohesive unit and everyone is predicting a flop. This will not occur. In kickball, team chemistry is a huge factor in success – both on the field and at the bar – and we are well aware of this and the bond between all of us will be stronger than the bond between hydrogen and oxygen (I’m an engineer; I don’t actually know anything about real chemistry). To achieve “water status” we will have team events throughout the season. They could be hanging out in MATT’s backyard practicing our flip cup, playing some beer pong in my (penthouse) apt, late-night cow tipping, square dancing in the middle of a random club, or shooting small children with a paintball gun from the back of a pickup…either way, we are going to have some good times this season and will hopefully hoist the kickball trophy AND the golden keg.

I look forward to seeing everyone tonight for the opening week; hopefully everyone will be able to get to the field safely through the huge crowds of fans that will surely be out there – and don’t be fooled, they may look like regular people leaving work or tourists, but trust me, they are all rabid fans, so be careful.


Here’s to an epic season,
T Rock.