Last Second Loss (thanks to Brick)

Tough loss this week. The game started off with some low female attendance and some of the new rules, known as "Lefty's Wrath", had to be enacted. According to witnesses the reason 2 of our ladies could not make it on time was they were being held hostage by allegedly the "best sandwich ever" despite the fact that it did not contain any meat, and most likely was full of grass and pine cones.

Once the game began we played great with excellent defense that limited their questionably-enhanced kickball skills for most of the game. Trailing 3-0 toward the end of the game our illustrious co-captain came to the plate. With 2 runners on base JJoy blasted a homerun the likes of which haven't been seen since. With the game tied 3-3 and XME playing well we headed to the bottom of the 6th. A kick toward right field for what seemed like a routine play turned out to be a triple when Brick decided he should just watch the ball bounce by him. A walk-off single came next and we lost 4-3. JJoy gets the game ball for his homerun that tied the game, Brick is the douche of the match for his display of "defense".

Having lost by a single run to the defending champs, we felt pretty good about our performance and headed to the bar. Typical XME dominance ensued making all who witnessed the flip cup skills bow in reverence. The XME showing at the bar was great and most of us stayed fairly late, which will come in handy based on 19th's newest challenge, he Last Man Standing Challenge. Every week at 10pm (subject to change) there will be a headcount for all those still standing at the bar. 19th will put up a leaderboard to keep track and will be awarding a keg for the team that finishes with the most at the end of the season. This is a challenge that XME will definitely accept. So be sure to check out the bar and hang around until 10pm if you can!

Post-bar happenings are also a good time, so to that end, here is Drunk Thoughts by Jeremy Joy.

Drunk Thoyughts Sorry!!! (editors note: this was the subject of the email)

I hate everything about the royal wedding. It sucks. Also last time i heard an organ was when i sung chorir with all ythose aother catholotics. I am not anit-ctahtoholic. I am the we have the good of all people down in my heart, down in my heart, down in my heart.

Also, the queen is super old.

Also, I hate Dana for giving a shit about this and making watch thish. I mean I love Dana and everything she stands for but tyhe Royal Wedding. This is almost torture. If i had to watch this or listen to zamir sing in the the shower i would pick zamir.

Terrorist love spicy.

The QUEEN!!!

­­­­­­­­­­Redhead have rabies.

,k'askdfs'erkgjae
The last thing i yoed was not a sense.

GUYS NIGHT!!!!

Elena and Sarah Shut up.

Cat this is a shout out. Talk as mucha s you want. Just say great thin

MORTAL COMBAT!!!!!

Horrible tastsees. I wrote that and read it. Kinda could ba a great cereal. Horrible tasteese, its what n utroricsious preplle eat. !!!!!?!


Peaqple tyhoguht i should wr4ite about closudes that soudns funny.

Letys define hoodkingf up. Hooking up is what you do with a persone that you like. Some people think its making otu. But then we need to get into what is making out and tyhat is way more complicated then phillip and the othe middle girl. Hey my thoughts stoped. What are we talking bout.

World food gestibval. Sound made up. Carspon dauly and the athe Voice, Cee-lo is in they had me at hello. Me, and Carson of the daily Variety.

Queation 1: What is your definition fo hooking up.????

Answer: that is a great question! You people are great!

Question 2: Ohhhh, no one had one. Hooking up is anything that zamir says he does but the oppposite. Hooking up is defintely not making out. It is more but not neccesarrily sex. Its in between. Its not quite second base but it is third. And by is, who TF knows what third is beside oral. Hooking up is what it is. Get it? Me neither! Get a definition that makes snese. Here is one. Hooking up has to involve a partner getting off. Someone needs to get there rocks off. That is hooking up.

Cat breaks rules!!!

I really want a rice (my mouse on my keyboard bounced back here when i was backspacing and i kept it going now idk what we were saying) treat. But one with a K. is it spelled with a K or a Ch. Both these things mean the same thing but who know what thye both say.


I ran out of time this week sorry. I love your all and DKP is a great team to play even though Keehner sucks at the captainship. JK JK.

Jeremy

PS did i just say Just Kiding Jen Keehner or Jen Keehner Jen Keehner or Jen Keehner Just Kicks or any other thing like Jeniffer Keehner Jennifer Keehner FACE!

Thanks to all for another good week, sadly, there will be no kickball this weekend due to Mother's Day. Make sure to thank all your mothers for giving you what you needed to become part of the greatest kickball team ever, or to at least become a loyal fan. Though there isn't kickball Sunday, there are a few other fun happenings this weekend. Friday night we have to say goodbye to 2 former XME-ers in Jeremy James and John Cloutier. There will be missed, so we will need to send them out in XME/XW3 style. Saturday there is a tailgate for the DC United game. There will be free beer and snacks and who cares about the rest. So come join us for some cornhole, free drinking, and then watch the game. Tickets are pretty cheap and definitely worth it. I hope you all enjoy your weekends and I'm sure I'll run into more than a few of you. As always...

Go Balls Deep,
T Rock

XME in the #WINNING Column!

We kicked off our week last week with a brunch at the Mighty Pint with the fun-loving members of Suprise Bitches (XW3) for a delicious brunch of steak, eggs, mimosas, a bartender who obviously had had a good night the night before, and a bear hat. Yes, a bear hat. The bartender was rockin’ a cowboy hat and shades and was clearly down with the XME/XW3 lifestyle as he gave us pitchers of orange juice and kept the bottles of champagne coming almost as fast as we could drink them. Though the drinking skill and overall likeability of the group was apparently too much for other people. A few groups of outsiders dared to venture into Mighty Pint expecting a calm, quiet, boring atmosphere and were so shocked that we dared to have a good time they left after a few minutes of awkward staring and contemplating when their life descended into utter lameness. Basically, brunch was a success…so much of a success that XW3 might have set a record in their kickball game.


3pm rolled around and it was time to get our kickball on. After taking a cab that basically went in the exact opposite direction claiming to be avoiding traffic we arrived at the game a few min early, thankfully avoiding the wrath of Lefty’s Late Rules. Playing the athletically-gifted Interrobang squad, we put up a good all-around showing and pulled out a 9-6 victory and we were off to the bar.


At the bar, the normal display of flipcup awesomeness was out in full force. Week after week we will continue to slowly crush the will of all opposing teams and complete our domination at the flipcup tournament. As we continue to succeed and impress at the bar, I knew it would only be a matter of time before the rumors started flying around about performance enhancers. It’s only natural to claim someone is cheating when you have no shot at beating them. I want to go on record as saying no we have not been receiving any illegal blood transfusions or other cyclist-style procedures to increase our stamina. It’s a ridiculous claim, and frankly, other than Floyd Landis and half of France, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. XME has been working hard our entire adult lives, tirelessly training our minds, fingers, and livers to be able to perform at the level we can and would never ruin it with anything senseless like that.


While in his exceptional form, Jeremy has decided to bring the blog to a whole new level with a new section: Drunk Thoughts by Jeremy Joy. This piece will be written each week when he gets home after the bar, and the legible portions will be presented, unedited for your enjoyment. He will also answer any of your questions, so feel free to send him a text message or tape a note to his arm with your question. With that, I present Drunk Thoughts by Jeremy Joy.

At the presonet I am cooking Ramen Noodles on a stove the I severely deamaged. Lets hope tyhis goes well.

Sorry I cant comment on much at the bar bu is was drunk.. wait a second my romane might be boiling. ....................The best part is that i Just ran into the kitche thinking my Ramen was boiling but i started the wrong burner on the cook top. Oh shit. My ramen wasnt even able to cook,

Now to qeuesstions. Which i realise is spelt really wrong along with the words after that.

Keehner: My favorite gal who is sick at the moment (This is wednesday night, I really hope she feels better) asks how many times I have been in love.

Answer: Does this seem like that type of thoughts but if you must know 2.

That is all the questions I got for today. I will leave you with something I found funny at wednesday kickabll. It had to do with two wow pink teams meeeing togehtere and two brwon dudees meeeting togehtere. They were talking togehter. So the traditional us all say Social brown out including Kevin!. Except Zamir heard the word social and yelled Black Out shortely there after and piointed at Kevin! cause he thought there was a typical black out going on when someone yellled social. Too funny. Maybe too hard to understand too...

Oh, I forgot to ask the rest of the questions by the rest of the quastrionas I am talking about. Oh there is no mas.

I just took a break and Zmair does t ftrust my Ramne noodle cookingk. I say I don;t like Ramen noodle soup but prefer Ramen noodle Pasta. When it is in pasta form you all should eat it.

Closing thoughts: XME is awesome and you all should come to the birthday party this weekend and come to the games the rest of the week. I know SRB is awesome and they are awesome. But they are from us and morphed into one drunk, fun mess. Just embrace them. We are all one big family some fo us drunk (SRB, definitely myself and whomever else wants too) and the rest of us. Kick ass like we know how too.

Also fuck that new york deli isn;t around this seaons at least we have baja fresh and chipoltle. Ridiculousness. Wear flare everyweek all of you and enjoy kickball for what it is! A shit show and a codependent relationship that makes life worth living.

I hope you are all enjoying your week, and even though there is no kickball to look forward to on Sunday, there is a party for the birthdays of 2 XME-ers (Zamir and Dana) and a Suprise Bitch (Kevin) on Saturday. I expect all of you to get in the requisite number of drinks and flips this week and be ready to continue rolling next week and as always…

Go Balls Deep,
T Rock

Kickball is Back!

Its been a long, harsh, outdoor kickball-free winter but thankfully it's over. Spring is here and that means kickball and more importantly flip cup. Heading out of a successful Fall season XME is the reigning flip cup champions and we are ready to continue our bar domination! There are a lot of new things this season and I'm more excited than Kobe Bryant in a Colorado Hotel

The first big change: part of XME has split off to form Suprise Bitches? and though they are a separate team, they are like our sister team and we will do a lot of joint functions/drinking. It's going to be a great season of awesome times for both teams.

This year we have a new captain. Craig has moved on to bigger and better things, and so I, T Rock, will be taking over as Captain, and J Joy has been promoted from Team Drunk to Co-Captain. Be prepared for great things, we plan to improve on every aspect of the team, our performance on the field, our performance at the bar, but especially our record at the flip cup tournament (last year we went 32-3 and won the title).

Finally, we have a good amount of new people on the team. Welcome! Based on last week, I am confident you all will fit in nicely with the XME way of life. We are happy to have you all on the team and can't wait to usher in a new era of domination on the field and at the table.

Last week we had a good showing on the field and a better showing at the bar and I know that was the only beginning. Here's to a good season and until next time...

Go Balls Deep,
T Rock

Summer Season in the Books!

It’s been a little while since the last post and there have been a lot of XME-related good times. I heard we had a team party, I bet that was a blast! We did a team brunch which was bro-tastic, came oh so close to winning the flip cup tournament, and had a few games of kickball as well.

The team brunch was the perfect way to start off a Sunday morning. Eggs, pancakes, potatoes, mimosas, it was fantastic. Fantastic, until Craig interrupted the good time with an unwelcome addition pulling off his trickery with an unusually large bottle Smirnoff Ice…which, needless to say, left me feeling slightly ill. While I do commend Craig for his textbook icing technique, I am currently plotting my revenge. With brunch and thirst-quenching the primary focus of the day, the kickball game was an afterthought on a day that closed out a great XME-filled weekend.

Next up on the loaded CHASE schedule was the Flip Cup Invitational. Heading in, XME was considered among the favorites to unseat the Summer 2009 champions, the Orange Iguanas. Having only lost to them last summer to the Iguanas I was excited for the opportunity to take them on again with a new team filled with many skilled players. This years’ competition began with a few preliminary round robin matches to be used for seeding followed by a single elimination tournament. XME A (It's Youblew through the preliminary rounds faster than BP through a safety manual and entered the tournament with the #3 overall seed. The XME B (It’s Not Me) squad displayed better-than-expected table skills and advanced out of the first round of the tournament to face the Orange Iguana’s A team. Heavily overmatched, It’s Not Me put up a valiant effort but was defeated in the end. With XME A advancing convincingly it set up a semi-finals match up with the ORG A. Holding a 3-1 edge in games heading into the 5th we were one game away from advancing to the finals to face the ORG B team, but that is where the magical run came to a screeching halt. ORG A clawed back to win the next 3 games and take the match 4 games to 3. It was a gut-wrenching loss and it ended our bid for the flip cup title.

Following the flip cup tournament we were left headed into our final week of kickball and the end of season playoffs. With 3 games remaining we were sitting at the top of the standings tied for first, but a Mickelson-esque collapse down the stretch left us with the 10 seed heading into the playoffs. We got off to a great start putting up a few runs in the first inning and holding strong defensively. As the game progressed we realized we were playing against true gentlemen who graciously accepted defeat. The victory set us up with a rematch from the week before against Drinkers with a Kickball Problem. We played a great game, but we were facing a pitcher with a questionable supplement background and another late collapse saw us lose to the eventual champion.

We were oh so close to the flip cup title and weren’t far off the kickball title in our first summer season. I think I speak for the entire XME Exec Board when I say I’m proud of the effort and talents displayed both on the field and at the table. We put the league on notice, XME is and will be a force to be reckoned with for seasons to come. Until next season...


Go Balls Deep,
T Rock


PS. Registration for the Fall season is open and we would like all of you to register asap so we can continue our ascension to greatness! And fans from other teams please register as well. With myself, Craig, and Kate (of DRK) taking of the Constitution division we can assure you the fall will be overflowing with awesome!

It's not you, It's Me

Good morning. And thank you for joining me.

Many of you reading this are my friends. Many of you reading this know me. Many of you have cheered for me, or worked with me, or supported me, and now, every one of you has good reason to be critical of me.

I want to say to each of you, simply, and directly, I am deeply sorry for the irresponsible and selfish play I engaged in. I take full responsibility for yesterday's loss.

I know people want to find out how I could be so selfish and so foolish. People want to know how I could have done these things to my team, It’s not me, it’s you, and to my fans. And while I have always tried to be a private person, there are some things I want to say.

Tim and I have started the process of discussing the damage caused by my behavior. As he pointed out to me, my real apology to you will not come in the form of words. It will come from my play over time. We have a lot to discuss. However, what we say to each other will remain between the two of us.

I am also aware of the pain my play has caused to those of you on this team. I have let you down. I have let down my fans. For many of you, especially my friends, my play has been a personal disappointment. To those of you who work for me, I have let you down, personally and professionally. My play has caused considerable worry to my business partners.

To everyone involved in my foundation, including my staff, board of directors, sponsors, and most importantly, the young students we reach, our work is more important than ever. Thirteen months ago, CHASE envisioned helping young people achieve their dreams through alcoholism. This work remains unchanged and will continue to grow. From the Learning Center students in Southern California, to the Y. Jack Fan Scholars in Washington, D.C., millions of kids have changed their lives, and I am dedicated to making sure that continues.

But, still, I know I have severely disappointed all of you. I have made you question who I am and how I played the way I did. I am embarrassed that I have put you in this position. For all that I have done, I am so sorry. I have a lot to atone for.
But there is one issue I really want to discuss. Some people have speculated that Tim somehow hurt or attacked me after the game. It angers me that people would fabricate a story like that. He never hit me that night or any other night. There has never been an episode of violence in our team’s tenure. Ever.

The Exec Board has shown enormous grace and poise throughout this ordeal. They deserve praise, not blame. The issue involved here was my repeated irresponsible behavior. I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated. What I did is not acceptable. And I am the only person to blame. I stopped living by the core values that I was taught to believe in.

I know my play was poor. But I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself. I ran straight through the boundaries that a captain should live by. I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn't have far -- didn't have to go far to find them.

I was wrong. I was foolish. I don't get to play by different rules. The same boundaries that apply to everyone apply to me. I brought this shame on myself. I hurt my co-captain, my friends, my teammates, my teammate’s families, my fans, my foundation, and kids all around the world who admired me.

I've had some time to think about what I have done. My failures have made me look at myself in a way I never wanted to before. It is now up to me to make amends. And that starts by never repeating the mistakes I have made. It is up to me to start living a life of integrity.

I once heard -- and I believe it is true -- it's not what you achieve on the field that matters, it is what you overcome. Achievements on the kickball field are only part of setting an example. Character and decency are what really count. Parents used to point to me as a role model for their kids. I owe all of those families a special apology. I want to say to them that I am truly sorry.

It is hard to admit that I need help. But I do. For 45 days, from the end of December to early February, I was in inpatient therapy, receiving guidance for the issues I'm facing. I have a long way to go. But I've taken my first steps in the right direction.

As I proceed, I understand people have questions. I understand the press wants me to -- to ask me for the details of the time that I played poorly. I understand people want to know whether XME will remain together next season. Please know that as far as I'm concerned, every one of these questions and answers is a matter between my teammates and I. These are issues between a captain and a team.

Some people have made up things that never happened. They said I used performance-enhancing drugs. This is completely and utterly false.
Some have written things about my family. Despite the damage I have done, I still believe it is right to shield my family from the public spotlight. They did not do these things. I did. They have been kept separate from my sponsors, my commercial endorsements.

However, my play doesn't make it right for the media to follow my 89-year-old grandmother to her doctor and report the doctor’s location. Whatever my wrongdoings, for the sake of my family, please leave my grandmother alone!
I recognize I have brought this on myself. And I know above all I am the one who needs to change. I owe it to my team to become a better captain. I owe it to those closest to me to become a better player. That is where my focus will be. I have a lot of work to do. And I intend to dedicate myself to doing it.

Part of following this path for me is Flying Spaghetti Monster, which my mother taught me at a young age. People probably don't realize it, but I was raised a Pastafarian, and I actively practiced my faith from childhood until I drifted away from it in recent years. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster teaches that a craving for things outside ourselves causes an unhappy and pointless search for security. It teaches me to stop following every impulse and to learn restraint. Obviously, I lost track of what I was taught.

As I move forward, I will continue to receive help because I have learned that is how people really do change. Starting tomorrow, I will practice and game plan harder than ever.

I would like to thank my friends at CHASE and the players on my team that were on the field with me this week, for understanding why I am making this -- these remarks today. In retrospect, I have learned that looking at -- the importance of looking at my kickball game and keeping in balance with my atheltic life. I need to regain my balance and be centered so I can save the things that are most important to me: teammates and my friends.

That also means relying on others for help. I have learned to seek support from my peers, and I hope someday to return that support to others who are seeking help.

I do plan to return to the field eventually. I don’t know when that day will be. I don't rule out that it will be next week. When I do return, I need to make my play more respectful of the game.

In recent hours, I have received many dozens of e-mails, letters and phone calls from people expressing good wishes. To everyone who has reached out to me, thank you. Your encouragement means the world to XME and me. I want to thank the CHASE Kickball Commissioner [Jack] Fan and the players for their patience and understanding while I work on my kickball life. I look forward to seeing my fellow teammates on the field.

Finally, there are many people reading this and there are many people not reading this who believed in me. Today, I want to ask for your help. I ask you to find room in your hearts to one day believe in me again. Thank you.

Victory All Around

After rolling sputtering through much of the season the KCK squad led by the headshot king Bill Belichick, picked up their first loss of the season and now sit with so many others on the doorstep of history yet another loss. Perhaps the nicer, calmer, no-headshot Belichick has also lost his fiery competitiveness that led [team name redacted] to so many victories in the fall. The killer instinct that led him to mow down any girl in his path (see: Dana) just doesn't seem to be there anymore. However, KCK did put up a valiant effort despite being severely shorthanded and fielding a player wearing inappropriate footwear they wouldn’t back down and put up a valiant effort. However, when the game ended and the dust from Belichick’s huge whiff settled, It’s Not Me, It’s You was once again victorious.

Another HUGE surprise coming out of Sunday, one that I would not believe had I not been there to witness it, less surprising than Jeremy not getting kicked out of the mid-season party, less surprising than Dane Cook actually becoming funny again, and less surprising than this blown call…. The Drunken Dodgers won a game. Congrats to them and maybe this will be the beginning of a long winning streak!

You’re right, probably not.

We had a great win last game, but we have a tough stretch the next 3 games. We are tied for 1st at (4-1) with 3 other teams, and they just so happen to be our next 3 opponents. The warm-up games are over and now its business time. We need to stay focused and take it one game at a time and we will prove to be victorious!

Even though we are just getting into the meat of this seasons’ schedule, next season is approaching. Registration for the fall season is now open and its sure to be an awesome time. The fall season will mark the first season under new leadership in the Constitution Division in over 3 years. With yours truly and fellow XME-er Craig at the helm, and the fun-loving Kate Maxwell of DRK we personally guarantee awesome times all around so be sure to sign up!

With that I hope everyone enjoyed their week off and is well rested and ready for one of the toughest stretches ever. Until next time…

Go Balls Deep,
T Rock

Shutout!

Another week of kickball is in the books and it’s another W for It’s Not Me, It’s You. This week XME performed solidly in all phases of the game leading to a shutout win 4-0 over the shorthanded In the Faaaaccce. The game drew comparisons from onlookers to the basketball scenes out of 3OH!3’s video. The defensive showing was the best of the season and it was the first shutout of what is surely to be many. The win puts XME at 3-1 and into a tie for 1st place in the division! Conference standings to date:

Constitution Conference Standings
1. XME (3-1-0)
2. EYE (3-1-0)
3. ORG (3-1-0)
4. LIQ (3-1-0)
5. SHT (3-1-0)
6. DKP (3-1-0)
7. POO (2-1-1)
8. WEN (2-1-1)
9. DAL (2-1-1)
10. WHJ (2-2-0)
11. ITB (2-2-0)
12. KCK (1-2-1)
13. R76 (1-3-0)
14. CHG (0-4-0)
15. DRK (0-4-0)
16. INF (0-4-0)

As always, your captains Craig and I are proud of the energy and enthusiasm on display Sunday and look forward to kicking the balls off the competition in the weeks to come.

This week provided another kickball event: the mid-season party at Midtown Loft. With all predictions pointing to out esteemed social chair topping this dude’s BAC we were all ready for a good time. Being the league drunk that he is, Jeremy planned our arrival so we’d be sure to be there early just in case there were any bottles of vodka lying around. The party got underway and a few things became clear early on. The first was the potentially disastrous combination of small drink cups and only 2 bartenders. However, upon further inspection, the bartenders were ok in our book. The second was the sense that something felt different about the night, this would not be your normal kickball drinking event and I just couldn’t place my finger on why (not until later anyway).

As the night went on and more kickballers arrived, XME played a little bar shuffleboard with giddy anticipation for the unveiling of Jack Fan’s birthday surprise (which apparently turned out to be his 2nd best birthday surprise). Zamir Ahmed – President of the It’s Not Me, It’s You Fan Club, Zamir Ahmed Chapter – had a stroke of genius one night for an awesome birthday surprise for the esteemed director of CHASE, Jack Fan: “I am a Jack Fan” t-shirts. The shirts were a big hit and Zamir deserves all the credit for putting it together, nice work Zamir.

As the night grew old and we prepared to go our separate ways I looked around and was shocked at what I saw: Jeremy Joy was still in the bar, hadn’t been kicked out, and was not passed out. Clearly this night was like no other kickball event before.

This week overall was a great week for kickball and kickball-related drinking. Next week brings with it a challenge as we will be taking on KCK led by the legendary Bill Belichick. With a record of (1-2-1) the matchup does not seem to be much of a challenge, but any team led by the legend himself always has a chance. If we stay focused and play solid defense I know we can be the Dwyane Wade to KCK’s Anderson Varejao.

Enjoy the weekend and get ready to dominate on the field and at the table, and until next time…

Go Balls Deep,
T Rock

P.S. Entrance music is happening THIS WEEK! If you haven’t yet sent me a song choice to use for your at-bats I will choose something that you might not find as funny as everyone else. Get on it!